Be yourself because the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

Is this true?

I doubt so.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Humans are some creatures that u can never understand?

ha! I think actually i'm stressed!! Think the other ppl feel the same? With so many projects on hand. And the best thing is that WAD is due on fri and i and my grp haven start still. And WAD is somehow a subject dat i dunno how to do. Even with the codes are there, still- sometimes i dun understand. If i knoe the codes, i wont ask le!
well, i'm just useless! A piece of shit! A rubbish! who cares? nobody.

This is my mosaic piece for my arts app assignment. Spent so many days doing it, did till morning 4 am on the day the mosaic was due. I swear i dont want to do this kind of stuffs again!! my eyes are seeing stars and lots and lots of them. Was tired! I hope can get a good grade...

I still remember:

cat: We are like drifting apart, we hav less and less conversations and i really hope we wont stop talking one day.

xxx: It wont.

cat: really?

xxx: yes

that's what u said to me and i believed it. But now...

Ending it jus like this? I dont talk to u, u wont talk to me. Thats it! i dunno. End of story? End of everything? Fullstop? Who can giv me an answer? i'll leave if u want me to.

Please watch ur attitude.
Treat ppl the way u want to be treated!!!
Seriously, nobody wants to feel dat as if they are treated as transparent or being ignored...
Nobody will feel good! If you are the one being treated like dat, will u be happy?
Think before u act, dont think Dat you are always right...

Well, as i predicted... She din sms... oh well... Nothing more to say.
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But i'm very very Thankful dat i hav such wonderful Frens celebrating my 19th bday this yr. I really appreciate it very much... Really lots and lots of thanks... The wonderful smiley face cake, the long wanted adidas watch and you ppl celebrating with me... Din really expect u guys to give me such a surprise... Lots of warmth and happiness... And i'm really really HAPPY! The most memoriable bday i had. I truly felt the warmth u all gave to me... =)

The watch u all gave to me, i'll be wearing it till it cant function anymore. And dats i think long and long way to go cos my previous watch i wore it since pri 5 when i first joined you all and i'm still wearing it till yesterday, you all commented dat... Dat was like 7 years and i've been in the troupe for dat long too. Had been in LKDT so long, me growing up with u guys... Glad to hav u ppl around and the frenships last 4 life. May we hav more beautiful and happy years ahead....

12 jan 2007, i hope she does send me a sms. Even few words are good enough. I do not need any present... Just a wishing from u and i'm contented. But think u wont even remember what the date is...

I always think dat the bday of any person whom i care is quite impt cos it's their special day! If no presents, i'll at least send a sms to them to wish them. Cos the feeling is really different if u received those sms. It really make a difference. It all shows dat at least ppl still remember ur existence and thought of u.

And if u really care abt the person, dun ever hav to give excuses that u 4got all abt their bday or too busy cos u will sure make sure dat u at least send an sms even if u are so damn busy! The birthday of ur fren isn't so difficult to remember if u really care to remember. Just that u want to anot...

Oh Please dont hav much hopes for that sms cos if doesn't receive, it gonna hurt even more. And more disappointments...

I'm jus a very simple person. But I wont deny dat sometimes i'm demanding... But y shld i be demanding for things i Dun care? Cos i cared so i demand... Get it? If i dun care anymore i will just let it be...

I always show the strong side of me, it's very tiring. I do have my emotions and my limits too.. Everyone hav theirs too.. But i usually will hide them and dun wish to voice out but do not think dat i dun voice out or oppose means dat i'm easy to walk ovr! Sometimes i jus anything lor even if i dun want cos sometimes it's hard to say NO...

Dun ever judge me by my cover cos it's usually not the true way to express myself. I may seems very happy and as if nothing happens on the outside but who knows in the inside? You are not me and can never be like me... Ppl may hate me for the way i'm but what can i do? I jus hav to do the things which i think is right. You dun hav to always follow the crowd and do things you do not want. Ppl may talk bad things behind u but it's better than forcing yourself to do it. They are not u. And Ppl do things for a reason.
Or i put this way, everyone is different, they live their lives differently, hav different mindset and different thinking, hav different ways of handling their emotions and their problems.. Ppl are difficult creatures to truly understand them. And are they really true to u? Some ppl can act so well. Well, u do not knoe...

Whatever it is, i only wish to jus hav true fren(s) who will show care and concern and i'll be contented.. I once thought my true fren appeared but i lost the feeling and soon i lost my soul too... Maybe i jus cant find my true fren for my whole life... I really do not need lots and lots of hi and bye frens... These frens are jus ppl u can joke and laugh with. They can never be the ones to share ur story... Can i meet my true fren? I'll be waiting... And i sincerely pray...

What will be of me after poly? And can i get my dipolma? What job i'll be taking? Or maybe i'll go take up another course which i'm more interested in? And and And so many ????? Life with its untold stories...

Everyone will grow and has to grow.
Things and the people around you are changing all the time. We cant stay put at the same point all the time and neither do we work and play with the same circle of frens all the time.
For those who has a very close group of frens, do cherish them cos u do not know when they will leave.
For those who are not as lucky, do not loose heart, one day u'll find ur true fren? Most importantly, be true to urself and to ur frens... False friends aren't always that bad because it shows you about yourself and teaches you to be strong and life goes on... but u cannot be sure that u wont be hurt at times.

Well take things easy and let nature takes its course... no use thinking so hard and stress abt them...

i Guess i still cant let go. Im still waitin and holding on to this frenship even if u dont care and dun talk to me. Well u can ignore me but u cant stop me from caring for u cos i do care alot, till now...

I really dunno...
Maybe u wasn't really true abt this frenship?
It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth to remove all doubts.

I'm just nothing to u, maybe u dun even treat me as a fren in the first place?
I'm jus a passer-by who u wish to ignore, not even to take a second look and dun reply even to my sms.

Maybe i shouldn't hav to know u in the first place. Letting u steppin into my life for this short moment, bringing happiness and also much hurts is my choice but not urs, I nvr regret!

But i think i hav to let it end here.
I'm going to let go of everything, every single thing about u.
And to lose you as a friend... I lost a part of me forever. I would be a stranger to get it back. But do u think i'll treat u as a stranger and starts to get to know u all over again when i already known u? This i difficult and it hurts much!

Maybe Yes, maybe No
i still believe dat if it meant to be yours, it will be no matter what.

Stepping into the new yr... Received a number of greetings from frens.. But i was most surprised that my sec sch teacher sent me a sms wishing me too b4 i even send her one. And everytime when i send her any sms she usually dun reply, so i thought she not using the no. or something.. So actually i din want to send her greetings this yr haha. But she sent me... =) Then some ppl who u think wont send u also sent... You gain some and u looses some. This yr my dance frens, no one sent greetings to me first.. only 1 did. But last yr They all sent.. i was disappointed.. =(
Some i sent dun even reply... kk What is this? Wishing happy new yr also dun wan to wish back? nvm nvm nvm...

Soon, it'll be 2007!
2006 jus passed like that. Was so fast. I'm still dreaming away... Dun really believe dat in few hours' time it'll be 2007!
2007? What will it be for me? Nobody knows what will it be... I'll tell u when it's 2008 then.. But I hope is smooth sailing, everyone is happy including myself and a yr dat my studies will be better...

As promised, today is the day dat i will be meeting my pri sch frens.. Haha quite excited for this outing... 6 yrs no meet them out liao haha.. so meet up with 2 frens who stayed in tamp and took the train down together... The meeting was 11am at somerset. Haha What an early morning's date. So there were 4 gals and 7 guys at first. Then we went to wait for the Tcc to open cos we were too early. Then later 2 more gals came.. We had lunch and played pool. Din knoe how to play pool, was the first time. I never thought that i wld go play pool. But it was quite nice though. Then after pool some of the gals had to go so left 2 gals, me and another fren with the guys. Then we went to bugis to find a fren who's working there. But after finding dat fren, i had to leave cos got dance. So the rest of my pri sch fren went for dinner and think a few more ppl came. Bid Goodbye to my pri sch frens and i went to my dance fren who was also working in bugis and went dance with her.. Dance today was quite ok but my legs were aching cos today walked and stand the whole day and then dance somemore. well today my day was quite wonderful and nice. =) lets meet up again soon...

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29th dec
I received the first and long awaited gift from a fren.

I known her for abt 7 yrs.But only really get to know her the past 4 yrs. Last yr Had been msging her every nite for almost a yr but it all stopped and i also dunno y. From then i din really sms her anymore. I was trying not know abt her news, know nothing abt her anymore and when we meet, i seldom talk to her too. Felt uneasy...
But i always wanted a gift from her. But 7 yrs i have never received anything from her before.. So i was like 4get it le la..

But She finally gave me a gift for xmas this yr but is belated cos she 4got dat it was gg to be xmas on the day we last met.. So she had to give me after xmas when we meet again. And she said it was only prepared for me.. Haha.. I was surprised cos i never thought she would even remember about me when she was shopping for the gifts...
But if last Time when i still cared so much abt her, she gives me a gift i think i'll be overjoyed and happy till dunno what. but now i'm jus surprised. happiness= 70%

She gave me a Book titled:" The Choice is yours".
I'm a person who can never finish reading every single pg of a book so far in my 18 plus yrs. But this bk, i managed to read every single of them and in 1 day i finished. There were many meaningful quotes and stuffs. Easy chapters and inspiring stories.

I'll share a pg in the book on the chapter Relationships are a choice:
10 things u must know abt ppl

1. Ppl are insecure... Give them confidence
2. Ppl like to feel special... Sincerely compliment them
3. Ppl look for a better tomorrow... Show them hope
4. Ppl need to be understood... Listen to them
5. Ppl lack direction... Navigate for them
6. Ppl are selfish... Speak to their needs first
7. Ppl get emotionally low... Encourage them
8. Ppl want to be associated with success... Help them win
9. Ppl desire meaningful relationships... Provide community
10. Ppl seek models to follow... Be an example
    

Thank you for the gift.

you are you and I am I,
you do your things and I'll do mine too,
and if in the end we meet up together,
it is beautiful.

Yesterday, jus got back in contact with my pri sch frens on msn... So long no contact... Almost like 6 years no contact le... No news and nothing.. Everyone was busy or maybe i'm the one not keeping in contact with the others when hav gathering, i got something on or Whatever so always got no chance to meet up with them. Last time no com.. no msn.. no frenster.. Mountain tortoise like dat... even if they got msn or What i din take down haha... Was so glad that the ppl there i still remember. And they remembered me too.. Was in a mass conversation with 8 or 9 ppl talking at a go... then i hav to guess who is who.. So lame la then they keep joking ard say dat this person is the other.. so messy.. But lucky still got someone who can trust to tell me who excatly is who.. So i got them rite and memories were slowly coming back.. The feeling was great.. long lost frens.. Meeting up with them soon.. Looking forward to see u all.. Hahas... =)

14th dec
slacked at home... Started doing bday card for the twins' bday. Their bday falls on 17th dec... i seldom make cards for people cos making a card takes alot of time and efforts? i would rather go get a gift.. Anything will do la.. And when u do the card, u need to think if the card is suitable for the person... But anyways, now holi so got time to make. I will pass the card on 16th to the younger of the twins at her workplace. Doing the card and halfway done. Stop doing and went to slp at 12 plus.

15th dec
Still, stayed home to continue with the cards... actually i already ran out of ideas of how to design the cards... And need to make them in a way that is presentable.. mind not thinking somehow... keep on adding things and improvise on the card, making it too complicated... then stop making the card le cos if i continue, i will ruin them.. almost done for the first card. Half way done for the second. Slept at 1 plus then..

16th dec
morning continued with the card and i'll hav to finish and giv the card in the afternoon. I faster finish up the first card and go on to the second and faster finish up. No time liao. Cos i need to go ah ma house cos my ah ma's bday celebration... Then all the cousins and aunties all gathered in the small house... Very long no see my cousins they all liao cos was like 1 month plus no go ah ma house! All thanks to the projects and stuffs...
Then went to ps and passed the card. Next went to PA cos my dance laosshi need more ppl to be there to hav a meeting for the chinese dance artistes assiocation. Was there slacking and doing nothing cos we dun even knoe the ppl there we jus need to be there and keep quiet and eat the dinner provided. It was time for voting but we dun even knoe them so we dun need to vote and sat there. Then after dat went to my fren's fren piano concert.. The concert already started cos of the meeting... They played very well. And we got the first row seat, so close up to the pianist... Was so amazed by their music and their playing... The concert ended and we went home. Mine whole day ended.
Sms the both of the bday gals on the dot at 12.00am. but only the younger sis replied and said she liked the card. i was waiting for the elder sis to reply back but no, not even a reply. not even a thank you for the card. I dunno Y. I knoe if i'm willing to giv, i must not want to get any return. but still i was actually disappointed! really. Maybe my card sucks? anyways, i'm nobody to the both of them. Maybe my cards already in the dustbin or dunno where? ha... What's the use of spending so much time making cards and get disappointed with myself and the response. U, Catherine, u are nothing, U are nobody! Dont be foolish next Time...

i really dislike ppl not replying to sms... I really do... Say i'm demanding or What... Say what u want cos i cant do anything... but i still think a reply is important... It all shows if the person cares anot... Everyone has the rite to choose if u want to reply to the person, and dats nothing i can do about it.. U urself also choose if to reply to the person, dont u? Ppl are all the same i think. Well, i hav nothing more to say...

i want to end everything... yes at this point of time. everything dats got to do with u....

18th dec
Today rained whole day! my mood today wasnt very good. Was drenched when i was on way to dance cos actually i wanted to bring umbrella but then i cant find any foldable umbrella anywhere in the house. i will never bring the long one out! so just went out and was hoping for the rain to become smaller but everytime u hope, it will be even worse... It got bigger! i was late for dance and there was no shelter to the dance there. So i walked in the big rain and was wet lor. lucky got extra shirt there to change if not wet wet very uncomfortable. So contiuned dancing.. was tired and now after posting, i will sleep! tired...

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Finally end of term tests! The 3 days were so difficult to pass... And term tests, i hate it! But over is over, nothing more i can do about it. Now only can wait for the results which i can predict wld be sucks!!! Well, i think i nvr will do well in writing codes and programming stuffs.. I'm damn serious! I always wonder if i entered the wrong course? Cos i am not very good in IT stuffs though. I wanted Design but anyway, again, i can do nothing now. Just hav to finish the stupid 1 and half more yrs of studies and then we'll see. Hopefully i can get my diploma.

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Sometimes, when i see those old people on streets as i was walking, as i past them, i felt so sad. They look weak and usually they are alone, all by themselves.. Very lonely... I Dun wanna be old, neither do i want my frens and family members to become old. But dats nature, everyone has to grow old and die... I'm actually scared and dun wanna to imagine abt my parents growing old... I really dun wan.. I feel lost and afraid... what will be of me when they are old? Parents will still regard u as their small kids even if u hav grown up. They see u grow up and give u all the best that they have... Sorry Pa and Ma if i was too stubborn and short tempered and shout back at times but sometimes i just cant control my temper dat well. But all was because of anger, i din mean to. I know you all care but i din show out that i care. I wanted to show the strong side infront of you all. I want my pa and ma to be chang ming bai shui...

Rushing for the WAD project for the past 3 days but the deadline was extended once already so no reason y we cannot finish in time. Went to stay over at jiawen house again and slept at the usual 3 plus am and wake up in the early morning with the few hours of sleep and attend the next day's lessons. And i'm dog tired, i need sleep. But think jiawen was more tired cos she did most of the work. Cos the other 3 of us din really knoe how to do. Haiz i'm sorry. The only thing i can do was to be there and see and giv comments. All thanks to jw in order to be able to hand in the assignment in time.. and we handed it right on the dot at 5pm. And back at home, i'm hungry and tired. Soon i will have to force myself to study ADID, HCI, WAD cos the scary Term test is coming! And i'm doomed this time, i dunno the subjects!!!!

is replying an sms so difficult?
it only takes a few seconds to type an sms.
even if this few seconds u cant spare?
u dun even want to reply me dun u?
i knoe the answer...
cos i'm jus someone u choose to ignore and u dun even care...

Finish lesson, finished lunch. Full and sleepy.. Slacking in a lab doing nothing while the other ppl play CS. Here at this moment the lab is noisy with all the shooting sounds of CS and some rock music... I Abit headache and very sianz... Din want to go home and come back to school again, hav cds lec at 5pm.. Too lazy to travel here and there.. I'm a BIG FAT PIG. Then after lec will meet up with the arts app grpmates to do our rehearsal and stuffs cos tmrw is the real performance... i'm yawning non stop and eyes are watery. Yes i'm tired, i really am.