this 20+ years in my life

hi and bye frens,

i have alot
alot, indeed...
ppl see me as i have lots of friends.
every now and then i see familiar faces
saying a hi, giving a smile and a bye.


BUT

having someone who can talk to,
sharing my probs,
sharing my happiness,
sharing my unhappiness,
sharing my worries,
giving me some comfort when i needed most
lending me a listening ear
Giving me a hug when i cry
taking away my fears,
staying by my side a little longer when i'm down
understanding me that i'm not perfect
knowing that i'm just me
feeling how i feels

i know everyone will be saying:
i'm busy(a word that i hate!)
i have lots of things to handle myself too
i have my own probs too
but i think is all excuses

But give a thought,
if the person is impt to u
will u say u are too busy and dun care?
it is just where the person stands in ur heart
if u really care
no matter what
just a simple sms will be more than enough
just spending a few secs is enough

maybe i'm a person
who do not know how to express myself well?
out of frequency with the others?
hard to get along?
hard to understand?
hard to compromise?

or

maybe i'm asking too much
maybe i'm too demanding
maybe i'm too emotional
maybe i'm real no good

nothing good in anyways
a living thing that takes up space on earth
what a waste
so in the end
i have no one

F.R.I.E.N.D
a word
that
i still have many doubts.
Will u be there?
if i needed someone,
anyone who cares
being a friend?
i guess i still have not found.
i think i can never find.
someone close to heart.
i'm just some weirdo person.

the me u are seeing,
what if i say i've been faking,
sometimes i dun even know who am i
losing touch of my soul
always appearing to be like not caring
and always appearing to be strong
even when i feel hurts
i also have my ups and downs
but
i pretended
do u know how i'm feeling inside?

i'm tired.
i'm a loner.
where shld i go
and who shld i turn too?
i think i'm shutting all doors.
cos i dun believe anymore
i think i need a good cry
and everything will be fine?

for those who had real good frens, close frens, bestie girlfrens, best best fren or true fren
i really envy from deepest of my heart
may all ur friendships blossoms till the end of life
and treasure them,
b4 u know it
they are gone
friendships, like relationships,
need to be 2 sided,
giving and taking for both parties
and there will surely be
1 giving more, taking less
and 1 taking more, giving less
or maybe not giving but taking
but i surely understand
1 sided will never work

feeling down thus such an emotional post.
i will feel better.

erm think i'm bad
keep saying 'ur best fren' and all stuffs
i will stop.
really...
if i were the 'best fren',
i will feel sad when i get to find out
so no more stuffs like this, CAT!!!
stop hurting ppl indirectly.

but best fren's good
i'm truthful
cos best fren
u'll at least remember
at least u'll think of her
and care.

i felt the distance between u and me
more and more
whenever i see u again
i think it's time

Met with 1 of my sec sch fren tonite.
Went to eat dinner somewhere near my work place
We ordered lots of food and we had to clear all
if not we will get extra charges
Played scissors, paper, stone
Who looses, finish up the plate of food
We are always so kuku
abit childish like we were still back in sec sch
i remembered we played scissors, paper, stone also
but who looses got to get beaten on the hand
then played till hand were red, hot and pain
those were the times...

After dinner,
din wanna go home yet
thought of drinking vodka
so went to look for places where they sell
search high and low,
most shops already closed
then finally found it
We bought vodka and then a bag of ice
the auntie asked for IC cos thought we not 18 yet
then sat near the roadside
tried hard to open the lid of the vodka using Keys!
cos we 4got to ask the auntie to open for us
but anyway
we managed to open it..
although a very small cut on the finger
we were high even b4 we started drinking
spent the nite under the city lights
little night breeze blowing on our faces while we were chatting

then head back home.
i think i need to have a little more of this kind of nites
to really let go of myself
but i wont go pubbing

well, goodnite, now is already 12 plus in the morning.
i'm tired
really
and got to work and dance tmrw
hope i can wake and get through the long day...

3rd day of Work and i kena fire drill.
fire drill reminds me of my sec sch days!
Happening rite?
42 storey of ppl coming down by the stairs...
lucky i not at very high level
imagine if real fire,
b4 i can climb down to the 1st,
i think i already fainted or already burnt
think dat time is jump off building and say good bye le

not too bad
had a stroll to the evacuation area
some distance away from office
the whole grp of ppl crossing the road like nobody's business
all wearing working wear
lots of trees at the place where we were
lots of small flying creatures u can find in the parks
grasses with soft mud at some areas
then shoes sinking in, esp those ladies with heels.
then the whole building ppl there chatting and ignore the person giving instructions
cos is just a drill, not the real thing
BUT
what if a real fire occurs?
u never know
will u still react the same?
Life's so unpredictable
maybe i will slp to my death
and never wake up again?

what a day...
it another tired day
i think i still haven get used to the working days

how i hope to receive a sms frm u rite now at this moment...

Work Work Work...
My Work place really forbids every single site that allows chats..
MSN, Google Talk, IM, Ebuddy, Skype, Web messenger, all that i know of
i tried all the sites but all Forbidden!
Haiz... I cant chat la from 8.30-6
then go home thInk too tired and lazy to online anymore

And now that i'm new and still have lots of things to learn,
also i still have no access to the database of the system
cos i need to do security test first
which they have not send
before they can send me the password to access
so i'm thrown to read 3 stacks of operational manual
then read whatever links found in the co. intranet
stone abit here and there
cos now still honeymoon period
and then nightmare will come
chasing after me

but

i'm starting to fear that i cant cope with the work
even though its just the 2nd day
the people there are just doing work non stop
and they are so experienced!
i cant even differentiate the different cases which u all can sort with just 1 look.
so many things to learn!
and i think i need time
all things have to start from new
learn is all i can say
there is nothing that u say u dunno how to do and u can dun do it
what more to say when u are at work
so i needa learn

The people there are quite nice
but all are busy
need to get to know ppl better
but slowly la
and there's this pretty lady who wears the same perfume as u
the similar scent
when she passed by me after photocopying things

thanks for msging me goodnight last nite and a good start today
u wont know that little simple sms frm u can make me a little more happy after a long tired day...

If you don't try to go after what you want, you'll regret,
If you don't try to ask, the answer is always unrevealed .

If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place

so I go after what i wanted
so I asked
so I took a step forward

but i think i would rather stay in the same place as before.
i shouldn't...

虽然我愿意

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔
我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
请你做选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
心还想着你

-----A very nice song.

i always wanted an elder sister
i really want...
i envy ppl who has elder sister

one who can dote on me
one who at least have that little care for me
someone to talk to
share my probs, happiness, sadness
give me a hug when i'm down
comfort me in times
play with me
when i cant get into slp
sleeping in the same room
jokes and little secrets
going out together
sharing the many things
take care of me


this had been in my heart for some time

i'm not a touchy person
but i just love the feel of holding ur hand
but not many times
we get the chance holding hands
but everytime
ur hand in mine
it never fails to give me the sisterly feel
that i always were looking for
so protected
so comfortable
not anyone can give me this feeling
but u did.

Still remember,
the trip,
during the performance
backstage where lots of ppl
we needed to pass through to get to the other side of the stage
u grabbed my hand
and lead me safely to the place that we need to standby
pushing through the lots of people
still hand in hand
i'm touched
seriously.

Maybe u felt nothing but
that little act
it really warms my heart
and means something to me.

i wont tell u in person
cos i dunno how to put this across
and maybe is this
that made me care a little more about u

Today quite good mood.
Are u good mood too, Noheartgirl?
cos i played quite alot with u.
I always like to have the little argues with you.
Dun wanna to loose to you when we argue.
Always there cheng qiang-ing...
then give those faces.. Haha
Think is so much fun.
Nice nite but tiring.
U have a good nite.

3 days, 2 nites at Sentosa.

FUN and Happening!

Played Uno stacko
i always kena the draw 2..
thanks to yq la..
always her turn she take draw 2..
and she saved the stacko from collapsing
which is foul lor
should collapse during her turn le
then in the end i survived
and there goes the stacko during jh's turn
no more to pull out le
the stacko already so shaky and shld collapse before that.

then dinner at Sakae Izakaya,
along Along Siloso Beach.
the nice sea breeze and the nice sunset
played with the water and sand before dinner
take pictures on the beach.
then itchy during dinner..
Nice dinner
nice place.

and Songs of the sea.
in the queue waiting for entrance
so long and crowded
playing tian xia wu di
madness... i win on ground.
The show,
Ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah ah...
the nice laser works and the lightning and the fireworks
i really enjoyed the show plus having someone beside me.
u are the girl with the curly hair and i'm the cute puffy fish.. hahas
i dream to be the composer of the fireworks and the water splashes and the music.
i wanna dance on the sea.

Then play Taboo in the room.
That's completely madness and craziness
think the whole chalet gonna collapse with our laughters..
Taboo Taboo rules.
Sh was really crazy
keep having funny actions and keep staring at the hour glass
and press the noisy red pump thingy
to stop the people when time's up.
that was really big fun and laughters
that cant be stopped
laughed till stomach pain
and jh thanks for being so excited till elbowed me on my arm
pain pain..

then go back to own rooms,
the 4 of us
total craziness
take all kinds of funny pics
got sexy, got idiot got many la..
then wishing everyone goodnite in our chinese name
cos the other 3 all chinese name
only me got english name
so must say all chinese diao..
starting from me
jing tong slp, mz slp, ws slp, qj slp
all too high and crazy lor
then could not get into sleep,
turn on tv,
then air con too cold
but then lazy to get up to turn off
then cant slp..
morning first thing,
get up,
turn off air con!
and send ws off to work..

the sky ride and the Luge!
i think i love speeding.
the wind blowing at my face and the thrill of going down the slop at high speed!
i must be a reckless driver if i drive..
but i love the freedom riding and controlling around the curve roads.
i enjoy both the day and the nite one..
nite one more scary and challenging..

Playing Frisbee on the hot sand and the blazing sun,
running all around,
anyhow throw,
then anyhow run for a place
then the 3 of them had to do forfeit
so damn funny
then jh and me picking sticks and start fighting
as if the sticks were swords.
then broken liao become
shuang jie gun
we are crazy la.
like dat also can play lor...
i love the beaches.

Then lunch at delifrance
nice meal..
nice ice lemon tea that can be refilled..
nice dessert...

then some went for the fish flexology
and me, mz, ca went on our own to somewhere near the merlion there where there is this long stretch of colourful moasiac tiles with little fountain and splashing water
we walked till the end of the stretch in the water
the whole stretch
we also got water flexology leh
hahahas...

then walked the suspension bridge at palawan beach
waiting for u all to come
u all took so so so long to come!
we took the tramp like travel so many stops le around Sentosa
and took many pictures using mz cute 'robot' cam
jumping at the beach
splashing water
got ourselves wet
and wrote a big twisties word on the sand and still waiting for u all grand arrival
then we saw u all coming
and hide behind the bushes and trees
but being spotted by our perfect eyesight sh...
cos mz's bright pink shorts..

then together at the beach
taking lots of photos
jumping here and there
staying in the air where the camera snaps..
doing the twisties cheer together in the middle of the beach
simply crazy when all the girls get together...
lots of laughters...

Then swimming in the pool downstairs of chalet room at nite...
playing frisbee on sand in the hot day not enough,
Play in pool somemore at nite
then i become the monkey for many times...
drank pool water lor..
then got 'scolded' by the management uncle there
he said others need to Zzz but duh..
was like only 9 plus if not wrong
chalet where got so early slp
u no chalet b4 ah, uncle...
cos we got too loud with all our happy laughters
and the happily throwing and snatching of frisbee
i'm the monkey
short short monkey in the pool somemore
difficult to snatch the frisbee lor
Then song of the pool that we created after the Songs of the sea show in the swimming pool!
then play tian xia wu di in pool,
then got the bao zhuo
who wins who sits.
and i completely lost.
cant react in water man
retarded...

then wait for turn to bathe
so cold in the room had to wait outside of the room..
hungry also..

then a little surprise bday celebration at cafe del mar for our bday gal, jh
but the cake already put in the fridge where the bday gal's room was
cos no space le.
then i think she saw also la
then need to take the cake out
had to ask sue to lure her away for awhile
thanks sue
then when all ready
All on way to the cafe
while me, qj and mz went to take the cake and presents
walked behind them
joined them later
but then the ultimate was the ben ben waiter come to ask did we leave a bday cake with them?
so loud somemore..
wah laos..
obviously our bday gal heard it la...
then no surprise lor..
anyway i think is the thoughts that counts la..
celebrating with u at the strike of 12 midnite..
i nvr had this kind of celebration b4
i will be touched if this happens..
hope u love the celebration?
then play the frog game
i cant concentrate at all
person who say wrongly
has to eat 1 mouth of the last piece of cake
then i always loose track what i should say during my turn..
so i hav to eat lor..
dunno how many mouths lor
like almost half the piece of cake is in my stomach
lols

Second nite of taboo
not so happening but still lots of laughters and funny things
est: rugby become ruby
red colour diamond,
expensive,
happily describing till finally realised wrong word
then become
a sport
red colour ball
the sound like ruby also etc...
Jh: fort canning become mount faber
can take cable car etc...
also happily describing till realise wrong also
hahas..
i wanna play taboo again!!!
Taboooooooooooo...............
and the fruit game and the cartoon character game
all the games suddenly so nice to play...

went back to own rooms
tired le
but others still continuing playing
but tonite my room mates changed cos some went home
so i shared with sue and jh
then sue scared of dark
and grabbed my arm..
no scared...
mas selemat here...
jh usual sleeping position,
need the wall
slp facing the wall...
good nite gals
hahas..

last day
watched TV in the morning
jh left first
cos her bday
must celebrate with her own frens
or ur special one
check out the 2 other rooms
left 1 room
then left bags at the reception there..
everyone too lazy to move
then finally decided to walk the dragon trail
so hot inside
and our dear fren sue,
so scared of spiders!
then went to eat lunch
then had dessert
so cold the air con
so faster finish the dessert
and went outside
sat there,
everyone like half gone and sleepy
wait for tramp..
we too hot till mind also crazy..
then we speak in china accent
then we got the kao goat's leg, kao rabbit's leg, kao horse leg, kao cow leg, kao dragon leg, kao etc.. others haven mention...
all is our zodiac la
then on way home
long way
mrt crowded
no place to sit
tired, sleepy, mind blank

Home sweet home
then i bought my bubble tea
in chalet no where sell
so first thing out of train and back to island,
my bubble tea waiting for me!

BUT

3 days like not enough
when having fun,
time is always not enough
but the memories and fun we had
will never be replaced?
i want play the games, i wanna go sentosa again, i wanna go to the beaches again
i want the sea view, breeze blowing on my face, the soft sand under my feet
the luge the everything!
all so beautiful.

i had so much laughters the 3 days.
Thanks everyone...

Seriously,
recently I think i'm abit detached from u all.
Even think that even if have me there or not, it does not make a diff.
People come and people go.
Everything will still go on as usual.
The circle of frens still the same.
The same few.
i never had been impt to anyone anywhere.
W/o my existence everything will all be the same.
Dun u think so?

Confused.
Moody.
Hoping.

Where should i head to?

Dear Noheartgirl,

This post is for U.
Remember after dinner, when we were waiting for lift, i said i think you would be happier if i vanish or gone for good?
i really think you will be..
no more me to argue with u
no more me to disturb u
no more me to bother u
no more mood swing girl giving u the face now and forever
cos i know i'm just someone no place in ur heart.
cos u are the Noheartgirl.
who often dun reply to me at times.
But now i take it easy even if u dun reply
And when i said i'll be your listening ears, i'm serious
But as i said, i may not be the one who you wanna share ur probs with,
but if u need someone, i can always be here. *My promise*
Anyway, no pressure.
As long as you are happy, i'll be happy for you.

And i enjoy time spent with you. It's true.

i already stopped taking things so hard
especially with handling emotions
not giving any single bit of my heart away anymore
never to give in too much feelings to anyone

BUT

i dunno when it all started
maybe is the little things that we do together
i dunno when u start to have that little place in my heart
just like spore
a little dot on the world's map
Sadly
my heart is way too too small compared to the world's map
so that little place that u stand in my heart
is actually so much so much

i cared
i got angry
y giving urself so much trouble to care
and get angry in the end

U will not be seeing this post and u never will
i jus wanna say it out
u did make me start to care again
but i would like to get over u
cos i know...
i dun have a place in ur heart

last nite i dreamt of u,
u pretty one
u have got the charm somehow
and make me so into u for that 4 yrs
yes u...
i do not know why u appeared in my dreams
but it was not really a good dream
i think i wanna see u again tonite but a good dream

Good nite... Zzz

Not a habit
Not a daily routine

It was always so nice and warms the heart
when ending each of the day
whoever's sleeping first
text the other with only a simple good nite wish
or concluding a little of the happenings for the day
updating each other every nite
at least there is this person on mind
before going to bed

How nice can this be...
If it still...

CAKES

These are CUTE...

These are PRETTY...

And...

This is SPECIAL...

=) Love this....

Dancing in Unity 2008- Traditional Elegance, Modern Scene
15 March 2008, 8pm, Victoria Theatre

Not dancing for our own Troupe's performance though but i'm here again
The many troupes together, putting up a performance...
The so familiar place, VT.
Every 2 years i will be coming back and performing on this stage for our own troupe's performance. (I hope it will continue)
The stage, the backstage,the lightings, the many dressing rooms, the spiral staircase that we used to climb up and down when we were rushing for the next item...
The entire place, not abit of change ever since i last left.

This place, contains all our hard work, worries, happiness , teamwork, fun and fulfillments.
Every Dance and its story behind...
Draws a beautiful end on this stage here in VT.
Never failed to give me post Expressions Blues when we mark the end of every own performances.

The last Dance,
The stage lights dimmed, the audiences applauded, the curtain closes.
The photo takings after the end of the performance
The way back to the dressing room
Saying how we did for the Dance
Commenting here and there
where we danced wrong etc
while untying our hair
Removing all the makeup
Removing the costume
Changing back to our normal clothes
Carrying all our props onto the lorry
Goodbye to VT

Heading home, walking on the bridge, Fullerton and Singapore River
The way home was always the same
the night lights, the night scene and the cold wind blowing
In mind, thoughts were all about the performance just before

Well, i'll have to experience everything again on 13th Sep 2008
Leng Kee Expressions IX
I'll say Hi and GoodBye to VT again...
Soon...

i can only say that things are constantly changing...

Maybe in
1 sec
1 min
1 hr
1 day...

You will never know what's gonna happen next...

No use thinking...

If it gonna be like this, then it will be...

rest ur mind and go to slp...

3 years...

The last semester of the studies...

The darkest period...

And i hate it the most...

It was such a struggle and such down times of my poly life...

nightmares with all the assignments and the packed submission dates...

the many days without slp....

the many worries that i had with all the stupid projects...

the people who i felt so hard to handle and what more to work with...

It made me learn many things...

It trained alot on my tolerance level...
But dun ever think that i keep quiet & dun fight back, you think that i'm always the loser & keep giving me that kind of face & attitude...
i had enough of it, really...
i just did not want to create more trouble by having war...
U are U and I am I...

And our world can never meet...

So let it be...

And finally i make it to the end...

I am so so happy that it all came to an end...

A real end and a full stop to this course...

Good Bye TP...

I'll always remember....
The morning breakfast, any bread w/o butter or cheese as i never like them.
The freshly brewed coffee with 2 packs of sugar and the beautiful cup that i drink in.
The sweet potato soup that u cooked when i just commented i din drink for a long time.

Then, The 9 pink roses when i have to go


Followed by, The farewell cake

More Surprises upcoming....

Then pop out a Card and the identical Ring u wore

Then, yesterday... i met up with her again...

Now, Estee Lauder Travel Exclusive Fragrance Collection

I think i cant take it anymore. I just wanna say...
U are always too good to me...
Too good to enter my life...
My heart cant contain anymore
And i'm really touched by u...
Never had i felt this special...
U are the first to make me realise...
Thank You and loves...
U will be treasured...

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Searching for that piece of heaven
That piece which belongs to me
Completing the missing part of my life
Just for me

Life's like a jigsaw puzzle
What may become of me
No one knows
No answer nor reply
Until I found that missing piece
That piece that can fit in my life's jigsaw puzzle
I'll be welcoming you to complete my puzzle
My complete life's puzzle

A puzzle that seems to be uncompleted
Blurry at some point of times
On the verge of falling
Shine the path that i should take
Shine it
And lead me
To where i should be heading to

Some things just so happens. I was viewing a profile of my fren and i saw u and her in the pic. U in your wedding gown. You are still the ever beautiful one. Suddenly, i felt a sudden heartache. Thank you for not inviting me to ur wedding. Maybe u have long 4gotten me or maybe i has never been able to enter ur world. Anyway, u are part of the reason y i like sch then. Sec 1 and sec 4 was the most memorable. If i could turn back the time, i think i will treasure 101%. Maybe that 1% will make u invite me to ur wedding or maybe jus an sms saying that u are getting married? Haha. Anyway, saw u so blissful, i'm so happy for u. U have all my best blessings.

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So long ago

Oh I'm screaming out, for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my OWN...

Whenever I'm mad it hurts me so bad
And you don't seem to care
If I'm mad at you I'll hurt myself too
But that doesn't really matter now
cos i'm totally over you

Well, it has been a very long time since i last blogged. And i'm back again! Some things to update....

23rd April- 13th Aug
Attachment was great! Never did i ever think going for attachment, working together with people u just know can be just so wonderful. I missed the people, the environment. It's just like a daily routine so much so comfortable. Guessed i've adpat to the sch. So much fun and laughters... So much so involved in the events, made me feel like a family even i just came in to work. I really felt the warmth and care u all have shown for me. And of course nice people that i would never 4get and make me still wanna go back when i'm free even if it is so far.. Last day, They had a little surprise farewell party for me. And i received pink roses, cards with their touching words inside, and other gifts inside, a secret gift that i really treasure. And a nice dinner at swensens with one of the teachers teaching there that i'm quite close with. Thank u so much. And from this attachment, i'm a little aspired to become a teacher or someone part in the sch.


13th Aug- 15th Aug
Rushing the SIP report.. Dunno how to start.. And i'm time pressed to complete the report b4 i can fly. The submission is actually on 20th but i'll be away so... On 13th, i read the guidelines and sian half way. Nothing comes to mind, so i slack, did nothing. haha I hate writing reports. On 14th started writing some nonsense and rubbish. Also like no much progress. On 15th last day for me to finish. Kept staring on the com screen. Typing little by little. And in the end did till next day morning 3 am. And there goes my slp. Only slept abt 2 - 3 hrs.


16th Aug- 21st Aug
Was away for Kuching International Dance Festival. Early in the morning 6am get out of house and headed to airport. Together with my other 6 dance mates and my laoshi. We flew there to perform together with dancers from all over the world. Then next day came, PA dancers and their 2 laoshi, Dance Inspiration dancers and their laoshi. We as one Spore. Was really a great experience. Before the trip we had to learn many other dance combinations, as many as 10 combi. We were all shocked and stressed as how to learn so many and remember the combi in such a short period of time. The adults were working, infact all those gg for this trip were working and were all tired and had to foresake our Sundays practising. But in the end we made it, not a very good performance though but everything went well for that section. So much laughters, fun, pain, aching that we shared... During this trip, many incidents that really made me learnt alot. Teamwork, Team spirits and be able to communicate with each other are very impt. The things we share and the situation that we were in, really bring us together. Really... brought us even closer. Together as one, i really do believe.


28th Aug
Went back to the sch for teachers' day celebration... So funny that i din go back to my own pri/sec sch. Went to my attachment sch instead. The concert, everybody was so excited abt the concert. And a big cake for the teachers by the sch. The children performed their items for their teachers. Also, they had their little party in class for their teachers. The children got their gifts ready and all rushed to their teachers and gave them their presents. The whole staff room filled with presents on their tables. And i got a chance to see how the teachers unpacked the gifts and their expression while opening. My first time. Been wondering how the teachers react when opening the gifts by students back when i was still a pri sch student. Now i have seen it with my own eyes. haha... Current Students and ex students of the sch came to flood the entrance of the staff room. Many teachers and their students at every corner of the sch. Was really a mess. So many ppl. Headache. Long time ever since i last experience this kind of situation.

28th Sep
And it's celebration for children's day. Haha. Went back to the sch again. Today, teachers got to perform instead. So amazing to see the teachers dance infront of their students and the items put up by them. Haha i always liked children's day celebration. But too bad children's day dun exist for us anymore. But then i still receive children's day gifts by the teachers... Haha so happy!


6th oct
haha.. Actually not arranged to meet with one of the teacher i've known at my attachment. Shld be today instead but on 5th oct nite and i was awoken by her call, she suddenly ask to go out on 6th instead as she scared she might have something on today. Haha our date is at 2pm, city hall mrt. But in the end we were both late but then she was only like 3 mins earlier than me. Our timing were good and the day was so hot and sunny, perfect for shooting. We went shopping and she bought lots of stuffs, clothes and heels. Everthing fits her nicely and so she bought them all that we have selected. Then it's our main purpose- shooting. We went shooting till crazy. Ask her to pose and pose, then she also wants me to pose. We were all crazy. The people there think we were crazy. Posing one and there. Spent hours walking from one place to another and posing and posing. And she is actually the first person so crazy with me in photography. We shoot till no more MRT service and so took a cab home. Then so excited transfer the photos to com and review the takes. Not all takes are good but some still satisfactory.

Here's one of the shots that i think is nice by her(still have many others):

here's taken by me:

I was browsing through the many photos... Then i came across the Dance chalet pics...
Suddenly i really missed the Dance chalet... which was some long time ago.. And i simply LOVE every single one of the pictures below...

The 3 really bored people in the room posing to the cam infront of the mirror somemore while we were still waiting for our turn to take bath..

Every single pose was so so special and so ever real... Think can never take the same pic with the same pose and the same atmosphere again... And the people taking the photo cannot be replaced, not even 1... Then it will turn out to be totally different... hahas....

hasn't been feeling very good for the past 2 days... Was totally stressed over some freaking sickening thing... it was like a dream...
When u have been left all alone and compromise cannot be done.. It was really hard for everyone, i knoe... how will u feel when u are in the situation? i was totally disheartened... My heart sank... i wished i can vanish into thin air and not worrying abt it anymore... i was just like a garbage where no one wants...

i lead a boring life...
sometimes just living in my own world
sometimes doing the same routine
likes to draw when i feel like it
sometimes do things unexpectedly
my mood swings every now and then
sometimes i feel like vanishing into thin air
can be hyper active
can be quiet all the while
i hate the word busy
i dun like ppl not replying to me
i like listening to songs that can touch me
i dun like adding colours in my drawing
i can be too emotional
but can be cold too
i want an elder sis
i believe that lady luck always not on my side

Think i need some colours to add on my life...
cos it's grey now...
But dats not the end.

Think i need someone really to understand me and not just see my weaknesses
no one is perfect?
can i find that someone?

can i stop the time so that happy moments will never end?

well i skipped dance again tonite! and again not telling the dance coordinator.. Haha... Bad bad but then i'm just lazy!

And today the stupid workers keep on drilling.... Dunno drill What... The whole afternoon... hear the drilling sound... Headache... Just cant u all Stop it....

again it's a boring day!

but soon i'll be having SIP....

So well, let me rot just another wk... cos when SIP starts, think also no time to rot...

Friendship can be in many kinds:

1. someone is always giving and the other person not taking
2. someone always giving and the other person taking but did not show
3. someone is always giving more and the other person less
4. someone giving and the other person also give some in return

for 1. - dat someone will give as much as possible at first but will eventually get tired and let go.

for 2. - dat someone will not knoe if the other person care abt this frenship anot. May stay on but may also let go.

for 3. - This friendship will last if dat someone really treasure the friend and does not mind giving more.

for 4. - This friendship may be a true one if the giving and taking last...

In different friendships, U may be dat someone or u may be the other person.

Only U know which category u belong to.

Can u guess which is the tallest building in singapore that can reach the sky and touch the moon and star?

haha.. went bugis with some of my sec sch frens... Long time did not meet up, so met for dinner cum gathering.. haha

After dinner, Went to take neoprint...
8 ppl squeezing inside that small machine... It was hot hot hot.. Damn hot... need to take dunno how many shots and choose 6 out of them... we took a long time to position ourselves...

So we kept squeezing to make sure that all the faces can be inside and decrease the chance of blocking each other...

But still....



some faces got blocked... Cant help it... too many people... haha

Maybe last time if u asked me not to go dance, i'll protest...
I do not care about what others said, even they said they're not gg, i'll still go.
The passion for dance was too strong then.
The thought of gg dance was so exciting, so eager...
I used to think that dance is my everything.
A piece of my heaven.

But now...
the passion faded... slowly bit by bit.. i do not know when it will be faded totally...
Dont ask me y... cos i dont hav an answer myself.
but i still know that i still have lots and lots of memories...
Wonderful memories that cannot be replaced..

With the long hours of practising, but just the few minutes of performance on stage. This isn't the impt thing.

The most important thing is the team spirit of all the dancers in the troupe is strong and the good and bad of times that we had together.. We practised hard, spent so much time together and finally received the applauses together.
Every dancer's wish is to hear the loud applauses from the audiences when we finished the dance.
The loud applauses is the greatest gift for the dancers. Need no compliments, need no hurraying, just an applause, means everything to a dancer on stage!
On the stage,under the spotlights, with the glamorous costumes, with sweat and the smiles, receiving the applauses...
At the audiences seats, full house and giving the loud applauses.

Growing together with my LKDT mates and the troupe.
I hope that the bond between us shld never break even if i shld leave one day
The many other performances else where and the big stage of Victoria Theatre...
I think this is the best part of my life i have ever had.

well... it's a mon today. And shld hav dance at nite.

Me and my frens have been deciding whether to go for dance ltr since yesterday.
Till now then decided: Not to go. Cos we all so lazy. Plus the both of us used a coin to toss and it granted us 'the permission' not to go.. haha we were too bored and LAME....

But to our surprise....

The decision was made by tossing a coin. Head= go Tail= dun go.
We tossed 3 times and guess what? My fren and i had the same exact results:
1) tail
2) head
3) tail
haha so you mo qi...
But we tried again to be extra confirm...

so we tossed 3 times again:
1) head
2) tail
3) tail
Guess what? same results again...
can u believe dat?
It's fated that we shld not go dance today... haha

got angry...
Cos you cared?

got sad...
Cos you cared?

got ur mood low...
Cos you cared?

got hurt...
Cos you cared?

got disappointed...
Cos you cared?

What if...

You are someone else?

What if...

You changed gender?

What if...

You are some really super superstar?

What if...

You are born in a family where your dad's the president or some super rich?

What if...

You are born with some handicap?

What if...

You have super natural powers?

What if...

You cared so much for a person but the person dun even want to care abt u?

What if...

You regretted for something that u did/ no chance to do?

What if...

You only left a day to live?



But there's no what if...
There is only a Yes or No. True or False. Real or Unreal. Dream or Reality.

Well, today is my sec sch speech day...

Why would i go back on a boring speech day which has nothing to do with me?

But since i din go back for almost a yr or so, went back when i was in yr 1... But yr 2 was way too busy... So i decided to go back with 2 of my frens cos my club performing too, long time no see them perform and also to visit some teachers... so might as well...

Their dance wasn't really as strong as my batch's.. Think maybe changed instructor then style also change. Was actually abit disappointed but nvm anyway...

Had a good chat with my fav teacher. She is as usual the pretty one... Never had such a long chat with her before and what's more one to one...

As a student in the sch back then and an ex student of the sch now really makes a difference... Things and people change... Ha everything do change so just face it.

But i really do miss sec sch life other than all the studies and the exams. I missed the ever familiar sch, my frens and some really nice teachers...

The memories were all so beautiful... filled with laughters and tears....

Went for interview today, wore formal.... A hot day....
lucky got a fren staying in the hostel in NUS.. If not i think i dunno how to get to the place of the company...

This is the route of how to get there:
Simei Mrt Station -> Clementi Mrt Station -> Bus 189 -> Internal Shuttle bus -> drop at a stop and walk in -> company.

'Nice long journey' which took an hour plus...

And the interview was also abt an hour... Abit too long? haha...

One funny part in the interview was:
Female interviewer asks some quetions followed by....
Female interviewer: Erm... Is one of ur parents a malay? or?

me: erm... no. I'm a pure chinese.

Female interviewer: Oh ok sorry sorry... Cos u look like malay. so i thought... ~laughs~

Male interviewer: ~laughs~

me: ~laughs~ It's ok... This is not the first time.. Alot of ppl thought i'm a malay too...

Then all: ~laughs~
___________________________________________________________
reached home....
only one word to describe - TIRED!

How can someone's day be as boring as mine?

Boring.

Boringg..

Boringgg...

Boringggg....

Boringgggg.....

Boringggggg......

Boringgggggg.......

Boringggggggg........

Boringgggggggg.........

Boringggggggggg..........

I'm simply BORED!!!!

Ever since i got the call that i hav to go for the SIP interview, i wasn't feeling relax and happy anymore. Before that i din hav anything to worry abt.... Just enjoy the holis since the results were already out and can wait till Apirl 17th to know where i hav been posted for the SIP.

But now, haiz.......

Issit dat i very lousy? then must faster go for interview first then if the company dun wan then can get another. If not i got no company... hahahaha

Well, i got a missed call on my hp.

I was wondering who was calling cos i hav no idea who's the person calling usin the no.

3 mins ltr, the hp rang, now a different no.

i picked up the call, and so scary.....

The sip coordinator called and said i hav to go for interview at a certain company on tues.

Then i went to check, oh my @#$#%$%^! It is damn far. The company is in NUS itself.
Simei -> Clementi leh...

But i cant possibly reject the interview because it is far rite?

Well, it's just an interview, i may not be able to get it anyway.

haha... I took out my photo album and started Looking through.. It had been a very very long time ever since i take it out the last time. Today i look at it, i was laughing at myself... I cant believe that was me with all the different poses... You know when u are a child, u tend to be always happily posing for the camera and do funny poses and u do not even care if it's ugly or not... Been a child is always great i think... But everyone has to grow up eventually. What's left is only the childhood pictures and the memories... And sometimes u'll give a smile when u are thinking abt it...

Haha, me and my other 4 dance frens wanted to get our 5 ppl neoprint taken some donkey years ago. But all of us were like soooo busy and stuffs. We had to wait for sooo long and guess what? Today, we will get it taken by all means!

And we also decided to celebrate mz's bday cos her bday is on the 19th. haha. So in the end this 5 ppl neoprint became 7 ppl. And we also went to Party World for karaoke...

And its a yr after expressions. This exact same day. Time really flies..
I still remember that day, Victoria Theatre, 8pm...

Walking through life unnoticed,

When everything seems to be unimportant anymore,

When more and more disappointments happens,

When hopes are no longer worthwhile to dream and wait for,

When care is no longer given out to anyone anymore,

When the heart dies a little more every single second

and Soon the heart closes all its door,

It's time to end.

ha somehow after the so many years of dancing, the passion in me somehow vanish bit by bit. Last time i used to think that dance is always a part of me. But now, i just go for the sake that i must go.

Well, i really hate to let the passion go. Cos i had so much memories with dance and my frens in the troupe. 9 years there. Growing up together with the troupe and my frens. It's not so easy to let go.

But the idea of quitting always pops up in my mind for the past years. It's very tiring to always stuck in the decision. Then i have to think and think shld i leave? or shld i not. I really dunno. Sometimes i'm really happy when in dance. But sometimes the mood is just not right.

well, let nature takes its course ba. Maybe one day i'll offically say that i'm out of dance. And once the decision is made, Dun ever regret. Cos dat is more hurtful...

Well, i guess fate brings people together but faith causes people to be apart.

So what if u meet so many people... People are everywhere... How can u define FATE?

Have u ever wonder why today u will go to that place, get to broad this particular train/bus, at that very point of time and see the different people in the train/bus?
Everytime the different venues, the time will let u meet the different people.
I can be sure that all the time, the people u get to meet are all different faces.

Have u really meet a particular person many times before, at anywhere and any point of time?
I think is very hard? But if fate is there, anything can happen? Ha

But how many of those u met and really get to know them and they maybe even become ur best fren? A fren who u may really share all ur problems, talk to them and when u're helpless, they are there for u? Most importantly, they are true to u.

Well, some people are just really lucky to hav found their true frens and loved ones.

And it all starts from...?

STRANGERS

and sometimes i just wish we aren't friends, just stranger.

Finally,
-------------------Exams Over!------------------

well, new yr dont seems like new yr to me this yr. This yr is so boring!
It is jus some normal days but now it is called new yr cos u get to wear new clothes and got to get red packets and eat new year goodies and see all the long time no see relatives and they are those who are much elder than me. Those only one yr see once that kind. Then you hav to start addressing them one by one once u enter the house, which is so sickneing and i usually dun remember how to address them!
So... anyway after cny, there is good news!

IT'S EXAMS!
what a 'good' news right?

And becuase of exams, i get to not perform for 2 events. Haha, abit happy but also unhappy cos i cant join in the fun with them after new yr.

Well, just hope that exams finish fast and i can pass all my subjects.. i seriously need a runaway...

i'm disappointed! The mosaic assignment i spent so much time doing it and without sleeping. But then that is the grade i get... i dont know what to say. Maybe my work is shit? Whatever... i cant do anything also.

Seriously, these few days i've not been in good mood.
Dun ask me y.
Cos i myself also got no answer!
This is sickening!
I dun feel right and always easily frustrated even for the smallest thing ever!
and also easily angry but i dunno angry for what too!
Dun wish to speak much these days.
What have i got into myself?
Hope everything will be better.
I'm tired, really tired with this thing call 'MOOD SWING' perhaps?
Making me nuts
Cant take it no more!

A silent night
walking home on the dark street alone
tired and weary after a day's of sch and dance
millions of things running through my mind
happiness, sadness, disappointments and all the doubts uncleared.

wind so cold
eyes so dry
heart so empty
soul's gone
passion's gone
all gone
long gone.

come back
please come back
i'm not the real one here
where are u?
give me back my old self
once again
where i can let things go so easily
forget all the things
and move on as if nothing

Colour my world
when everything seems all so grey.
i'm not fine
not at all
i promise

Be yourself because the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

Is this true?

I doubt so.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Humans are some creatures that u can never understand?

ha! I think actually i'm stressed!! Think the other ppl feel the same? With so many projects on hand. And the best thing is that WAD is due on fri and i and my grp haven start still. And WAD is somehow a subject dat i dunno how to do. Even with the codes are there, still- sometimes i dun understand. If i knoe the codes, i wont ask le!
well, i'm just useless! A piece of shit! A rubbish! who cares? nobody.

This is my mosaic piece for my arts app assignment. Spent so many days doing it, did till morning 4 am on the day the mosaic was due. I swear i dont want to do this kind of stuffs again!! my eyes are seeing stars and lots and lots of them. Was tired! I hope can get a good grade...

I still remember:

cat: We are like drifting apart, we hav less and less conversations and i really hope we wont stop talking one day.

xxx: It wont.

cat: really?

xxx: yes

that's what u said to me and i believed it. But now...

Ending it jus like this? I dont talk to u, u wont talk to me. Thats it! i dunno. End of story? End of everything? Fullstop? Who can giv me an answer? i'll leave if u want me to.

Please watch ur attitude.
Treat ppl the way u want to be treated!!!
Seriously, nobody wants to feel dat as if they are treated as transparent or being ignored...
Nobody will feel good! If you are the one being treated like dat, will u be happy?
Think before u act, dont think Dat you are always right...

Well, as i predicted... She din sms... oh well... Nothing more to say.
____________________________________________________________________

But i'm very very Thankful dat i hav such wonderful Frens celebrating my 19th bday this yr. I really appreciate it very much... Really lots and lots of thanks... The wonderful smiley face cake, the long wanted adidas watch and you ppl celebrating with me... Din really expect u guys to give me such a surprise... Lots of warmth and happiness... And i'm really really HAPPY! The most memoriable bday i had. I truly felt the warmth u all gave to me... =)

The watch u all gave to me, i'll be wearing it till it cant function anymore. And dats i think long and long way to go cos my previous watch i wore it since pri 5 when i first joined you all and i'm still wearing it till yesterday, you all commented dat... Dat was like 7 years and i've been in the troupe for dat long too. Had been in LKDT so long, me growing up with u guys... Glad to hav u ppl around and the frenships last 4 life. May we hav more beautiful and happy years ahead....

12 jan 2007, i hope she does send me a sms. Even few words are good enough. I do not need any present... Just a wishing from u and i'm contented. But think u wont even remember what the date is...

I always think dat the bday of any person whom i care is quite impt cos it's their special day! If no presents, i'll at least send a sms to them to wish them. Cos the feeling is really different if u received those sms. It really make a difference. It all shows dat at least ppl still remember ur existence and thought of u.

And if u really care abt the person, dun ever hav to give excuses that u 4got all abt their bday or too busy cos u will sure make sure dat u at least send an sms even if u are so damn busy! The birthday of ur fren isn't so difficult to remember if u really care to remember. Just that u want to anot...

Oh Please dont hav much hopes for that sms cos if doesn't receive, it gonna hurt even more. And more disappointments...

I'm jus a very simple person. But I wont deny dat sometimes i'm demanding... But y shld i be demanding for things i Dun care? Cos i cared so i demand... Get it? If i dun care anymore i will just let it be...

I always show the strong side of me, it's very tiring. I do have my emotions and my limits too.. Everyone hav theirs too.. But i usually will hide them and dun wish to voice out but do not think dat i dun voice out or oppose means dat i'm easy to walk ovr! Sometimes i jus anything lor even if i dun want cos sometimes it's hard to say NO...

Dun ever judge me by my cover cos it's usually not the true way to express myself. I may seems very happy and as if nothing happens on the outside but who knows in the inside? You are not me and can never be like me... Ppl may hate me for the way i'm but what can i do? I jus hav to do the things which i think is right. You dun hav to always follow the crowd and do things you do not want. Ppl may talk bad things behind u but it's better than forcing yourself to do it. They are not u. And Ppl do things for a reason.
Or i put this way, everyone is different, they live their lives differently, hav different mindset and different thinking, hav different ways of handling their emotions and their problems.. Ppl are difficult creatures to truly understand them. And are they really true to u? Some ppl can act so well. Well, u do not knoe...

Whatever it is, i only wish to jus hav true fren(s) who will show care and concern and i'll be contented.. I once thought my true fren appeared but i lost the feeling and soon i lost my soul too... Maybe i jus cant find my true fren for my whole life... I really do not need lots and lots of hi and bye frens... These frens are jus ppl u can joke and laugh with. They can never be the ones to share ur story... Can i meet my true fren? I'll be waiting... And i sincerely pray...

What will be of me after poly? And can i get my dipolma? What job i'll be taking? Or maybe i'll go take up another course which i'm more interested in? And and And so many ????? Life with its untold stories...

Everyone will grow and has to grow.
Things and the people around you are changing all the time. We cant stay put at the same point all the time and neither do we work and play with the same circle of frens all the time.
For those who has a very close group of frens, do cherish them cos u do not know when they will leave.
For those who are not as lucky, do not loose heart, one day u'll find ur true fren? Most importantly, be true to urself and to ur frens... False friends aren't always that bad because it shows you about yourself and teaches you to be strong and life goes on... but u cannot be sure that u wont be hurt at times.

Well take things easy and let nature takes its course... no use thinking so hard and stress abt them...

i Guess i still cant let go. Im still waitin and holding on to this frenship even if u dont care and dun talk to me. Well u can ignore me but u cant stop me from caring for u cos i do care alot, till now...

I really dunno...
Maybe u wasn't really true abt this frenship?
It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth to remove all doubts.

I'm just nothing to u, maybe u dun even treat me as a fren in the first place?
I'm jus a passer-by who u wish to ignore, not even to take a second look and dun reply even to my sms.

Maybe i shouldn't hav to know u in the first place. Letting u steppin into my life for this short moment, bringing happiness and also much hurts is my choice but not urs, I nvr regret!

But i think i hav to let it end here.
I'm going to let go of everything, every single thing about u.
And to lose you as a friend... I lost a part of me forever. I would be a stranger to get it back. But do u think i'll treat u as a stranger and starts to get to know u all over again when i already known u? This i difficult and it hurts much!

Maybe Yes, maybe No
i still believe dat if it meant to be yours, it will be no matter what.

Stepping into the new yr... Received a number of greetings from frens.. But i was most surprised that my sec sch teacher sent me a sms wishing me too b4 i even send her one. And everytime when i send her any sms she usually dun reply, so i thought she not using the no. or something.. So actually i din want to send her greetings this yr haha. But she sent me... =) Then some ppl who u think wont send u also sent... You gain some and u looses some. This yr my dance frens, no one sent greetings to me first.. only 1 did. But last yr They all sent.. i was disappointed.. =(
Some i sent dun even reply... kk What is this? Wishing happy new yr also dun wan to wish back? nvm nvm nvm...

Soon, it'll be 2007!
2006 jus passed like that. Was so fast. I'm still dreaming away... Dun really believe dat in few hours' time it'll be 2007!
2007? What will it be for me? Nobody knows what will it be... I'll tell u when it's 2008 then.. But I hope is smooth sailing, everyone is happy including myself and a yr dat my studies will be better...

As promised, today is the day dat i will be meeting my pri sch frens.. Haha quite excited for this outing... 6 yrs no meet them out liao haha.. so meet up with 2 frens who stayed in tamp and took the train down together... The meeting was 11am at somerset. Haha What an early morning's date. So there were 4 gals and 7 guys at first. Then we went to wait for the Tcc to open cos we were too early. Then later 2 more gals came.. We had lunch and played pool. Din knoe how to play pool, was the first time. I never thought that i wld go play pool. But it was quite nice though. Then after pool some of the gals had to go so left 2 gals, me and another fren with the guys. Then we went to bugis to find a fren who's working there. But after finding dat fren, i had to leave cos got dance. So the rest of my pri sch fren went for dinner and think a few more ppl came. Bid Goodbye to my pri sch frens and i went to my dance fren who was also working in bugis and went dance with her.. Dance today was quite ok but my legs were aching cos today walked and stand the whole day and then dance somemore. well today my day was quite wonderful and nice. =) lets meet up again soon...

_______________________________________________________________

29th dec
I received the first and long awaited gift from a fren.

I known her for abt 7 yrs.But only really get to know her the past 4 yrs. Last yr Had been msging her every nite for almost a yr but it all stopped and i also dunno y. From then i din really sms her anymore. I was trying not know abt her news, know nothing abt her anymore and when we meet, i seldom talk to her too. Felt uneasy...
But i always wanted a gift from her. But 7 yrs i have never received anything from her before.. So i was like 4get it le la..

But She finally gave me a gift for xmas this yr but is belated cos she 4got dat it was gg to be xmas on the day we last met.. So she had to give me after xmas when we meet again. And she said it was only prepared for me.. Haha.. I was surprised cos i never thought she would even remember about me when she was shopping for the gifts...
But if last Time when i still cared so much abt her, she gives me a gift i think i'll be overjoyed and happy till dunno what. but now i'm jus surprised. happiness= 70%

She gave me a Book titled:" The Choice is yours".
I'm a person who can never finish reading every single pg of a book so far in my 18 plus yrs. But this bk, i managed to read every single of them and in 1 day i finished. There were many meaningful quotes and stuffs. Easy chapters and inspiring stories.

I'll share a pg in the book on the chapter Relationships are a choice:
10 things u must know abt ppl

1. Ppl are insecure... Give them confidence
2. Ppl like to feel special... Sincerely compliment them
3. Ppl look for a better tomorrow... Show them hope
4. Ppl need to be understood... Listen to them
5. Ppl lack direction... Navigate for them
6. Ppl are selfish... Speak to their needs first
7. Ppl get emotionally low... Encourage them
8. Ppl want to be associated with success... Help them win
9. Ppl desire meaningful relationships... Provide community
10. Ppl seek models to follow... Be an example
    

Thank you for the gift.

you are you and I am I,
you do your things and I'll do mine too,
and if in the end we meet up together,
it is beautiful.

Yesterday, jus got back in contact with my pri sch frens on msn... So long no contact... Almost like 6 years no contact le... No news and nothing.. Everyone was busy or maybe i'm the one not keeping in contact with the others when hav gathering, i got something on or Whatever so always got no chance to meet up with them. Last time no com.. no msn.. no frenster.. Mountain tortoise like dat... even if they got msn or What i din take down haha... Was so glad that the ppl there i still remember. And they remembered me too.. Was in a mass conversation with 8 or 9 ppl talking at a go... then i hav to guess who is who.. So lame la then they keep joking ard say dat this person is the other.. so messy.. But lucky still got someone who can trust to tell me who excatly is who.. So i got them rite and memories were slowly coming back.. The feeling was great.. long lost frens.. Meeting up with them soon.. Looking forward to see u all.. Hahas... =)

14th dec
slacked at home... Started doing bday card for the twins' bday. Their bday falls on 17th dec... i seldom make cards for people cos making a card takes alot of time and efforts? i would rather go get a gift.. Anything will do la.. And when u do the card, u need to think if the card is suitable for the person... But anyways, now holi so got time to make. I will pass the card on 16th to the younger of the twins at her workplace. Doing the card and halfway done. Stop doing and went to slp at 12 plus.

15th dec
Still, stayed home to continue with the cards... actually i already ran out of ideas of how to design the cards... And need to make them in a way that is presentable.. mind not thinking somehow... keep on adding things and improvise on the card, making it too complicated... then stop making the card le cos if i continue, i will ruin them.. almost done for the first card. Half way done for the second. Slept at 1 plus then..

16th dec
morning continued with the card and i'll hav to finish and giv the card in the afternoon. I faster finish up the first card and go on to the second and faster finish up. No time liao. Cos i need to go ah ma house cos my ah ma's bday celebration... Then all the cousins and aunties all gathered in the small house... Very long no see my cousins they all liao cos was like 1 month plus no go ah ma house! All thanks to the projects and stuffs...
Then went to ps and passed the card. Next went to PA cos my dance laosshi need more ppl to be there to hav a meeting for the chinese dance artistes assiocation. Was there slacking and doing nothing cos we dun even knoe the ppl there we jus need to be there and keep quiet and eat the dinner provided. It was time for voting but we dun even knoe them so we dun need to vote and sat there. Then after dat went to my fren's fren piano concert.. The concert already started cos of the meeting... They played very well. And we got the first row seat, so close up to the pianist... Was so amazed by their music and their playing... The concert ended and we went home. Mine whole day ended.
Sms the both of the bday gals on the dot at 12.00am. but only the younger sis replied and said she liked the card. i was waiting for the elder sis to reply back but no, not even a reply. not even a thank you for the card. I dunno Y. I knoe if i'm willing to giv, i must not want to get any return. but still i was actually disappointed! really. Maybe my card sucks? anyways, i'm nobody to the both of them. Maybe my cards already in the dustbin or dunno where? ha... What's the use of spending so much time making cards and get disappointed with myself and the response. U, Catherine, u are nothing, U are nobody! Dont be foolish next Time...

i really dislike ppl not replying to sms... I really do... Say i'm demanding or What... Say what u want cos i cant do anything... but i still think a reply is important... It all shows if the person cares anot... Everyone has the rite to choose if u want to reply to the person, and dats nothing i can do about it.. U urself also choose if to reply to the person, dont u? Ppl are all the same i think. Well, i hav nothing more to say...

i want to end everything... yes at this point of time. everything dats got to do with u....

18th dec
Today rained whole day! my mood today wasnt very good. Was drenched when i was on way to dance cos actually i wanted to bring umbrella but then i cant find any foldable umbrella anywhere in the house. i will never bring the long one out! so just went out and was hoping for the rain to become smaller but everytime u hope, it will be even worse... It got bigger! i was late for dance and there was no shelter to the dance there. So i walked in the big rain and was wet lor. lucky got extra shirt there to change if not wet wet very uncomfortable. So contiuned dancing.. was tired and now after posting, i will sleep! tired...

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Finally end of term tests! The 3 days were so difficult to pass... And term tests, i hate it! But over is over, nothing more i can do about it. Now only can wait for the results which i can predict wld be sucks!!! Well, i think i nvr will do well in writing codes and programming stuffs.. I'm damn serious! I always wonder if i entered the wrong course? Cos i am not very good in IT stuffs though. I wanted Design but anyway, again, i can do nothing now. Just hav to finish the stupid 1 and half more yrs of studies and then we'll see. Hopefully i can get my diploma.

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Sometimes, when i see those old people on streets as i was walking, as i past them, i felt so sad. They look weak and usually they are alone, all by themselves.. Very lonely... I Dun wanna be old, neither do i want my frens and family members to become old. But dats nature, everyone has to grow old and die... I'm actually scared and dun wanna to imagine abt my parents growing old... I really dun wan.. I feel lost and afraid... what will be of me when they are old? Parents will still regard u as their small kids even if u hav grown up. They see u grow up and give u all the best that they have... Sorry Pa and Ma if i was too stubborn and short tempered and shout back at times but sometimes i just cant control my temper dat well. But all was because of anger, i din mean to. I know you all care but i din show out that i care. I wanted to show the strong side infront of you all. I want my pa and ma to be chang ming bai shui...

Rushing for the WAD project for the past 3 days but the deadline was extended once already so no reason y we cannot finish in time. Went to stay over at jiawen house again and slept at the usual 3 plus am and wake up in the early morning with the few hours of sleep and attend the next day's lessons. And i'm dog tired, i need sleep. But think jiawen was more tired cos she did most of the work. Cos the other 3 of us din really knoe how to do. Haiz i'm sorry. The only thing i can do was to be there and see and giv comments. All thanks to jw in order to be able to hand in the assignment in time.. and we handed it right on the dot at 5pm. And back at home, i'm hungry and tired. Soon i will have to force myself to study ADID, HCI, WAD cos the scary Term test is coming! And i'm doomed this time, i dunno the subjects!!!!

is replying an sms so difficult?
it only takes a few seconds to type an sms.
even if this few seconds u cant spare?
u dun even want to reply me dun u?
i knoe the answer...
cos i'm jus someone u choose to ignore and u dun even care...

Finish lesson, finished lunch. Full and sleepy.. Slacking in a lab doing nothing while the other ppl play CS. Here at this moment the lab is noisy with all the shooting sounds of CS and some rock music... I Abit headache and very sianz... Din want to go home and come back to school again, hav cds lec at 5pm.. Too lazy to travel here and there.. I'm a BIG FAT PIG. Then after lec will meet up with the arts app grpmates to do our rehearsal and stuffs cos tmrw is the real performance... i'm yawning non stop and eyes are watery. Yes i'm tired, i really am.

Haven been blogging cos i was too busy. Way too busy.. But finally this wk is ovr. Horrible and stressed wk. We actually had 3 projects to hand in but in the end 1 of the project's deadline is postponed! yeah.. Postponed... Believe it anot? haha..

Mon was actually supposed to meet up with jie to do her flash thing but in the end she had a meeting last min so jus met her and show face. At 6 she still was not done with the meeting so our meeting for the day was cancelled cos i hav to rush to dance. I left sch at 6.50pm so in the end reach dance there was abt 8 plus like dat. Ppl there already in their costumes and hair neatly tied ready to dance. Then i had to quickly get change.. I felt so extra.. I was tired then and no energy to dance. haha.. Reached home at 11 plus... Tired!

Then tues cos i hav to do my project too so i brought her together with me to the lab with my frens and did my project and also see what i can help. But sad to say, my flash was not very good so i wasn't of any help to her. Instead i think i wasted her time there. I'm very sorry. She was stressed too but i wasn't of any help to her.. haiz.. I really wanna help but i'm not really good at flash dear... So sorry...Then my project also no progress.. So another was ovr. Went home and had dinner and was tired.

Then wed a very screwed up day, was having CMSK interview and i 4got to take the stupid portfolio.. Starting of the day was already no good.. Everything went Wrong and wrong... wanted to do WAD but then things turned out not well, really sickening... there was a make up class which had to be 3-6pm in the only lab that has the porgram for WAD. Dat means we do not have time to do WAD liao. We cant carry on with our plan... We still hav TAIN and ADID... Sickening!!!! ARGHHHHH... Then we quickly come to a conclusion dat we go jiawen's house and stayed over for 2 nites to rush the projects... So dat nite, we went her house. I reached at 10, cos watched superstars aha.. Then we carried on with the projects... Well dat nite slept at 6am and woke up at 7.30am. go school like zombie.. very tired..

Thurs, after school went baCk to jiawen's house.. Then slack abit cos was too tired. Then news dat WAd is postponed to next fri, so we were relieved.. no need to rush like mad. So we concentrated on ADID and Tain.. Her house got over 10 ppl but only left 5 in the end staying ovr. Everyone was tired, mind not working, mood not very good. Get irritated easily.. faster finish the Tain and 3/4 of ADID and went to slp. Never felt dat i needed slp as b4. I jus went dead on the bed at 3am and woke up at 6 in the morning cos got stupid apel lesson!!!

Fri, date of submission and really no energy left. Was lack of sleep really.. took cab down to sch cos missed the bus and the apel class cannot be late lor cos we already late 1 time le.. Slept b4 their basic FA lec starts and also in the lec.. Too bad even if the lecturer saw me sleepin cos i was not supposed to be in the lec in the first place and i was right smack in the center of the LT, but sorry la cos i was way too tired.. sleep till like the head gg to drop anytime, swaying and swaying... aha Then the stupid Adid gave us some prob maybe our brain not functioning dat well so the prob was like so damn and we had no time left. The teacher came b4 we could finish.. Was stressed.. Then after dat i still hav dance.. Oh man i was already gone liao. But i still hav to go dance practise cos i have performance on sat. haha suddenly i hope i am a wonder woman then i can do everything so easily and can multitask... i wanted sleep badly... went dance and came home at 11 plus again.. quickly shower and laid flat on the bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sat, performance day, need to report at 1.30pm but in the end i woke up at 12pm.. haha so quickly go do up my stuffs and rushed off.. in the end i reached at ard 2 like dat. The Kids were already practising and the adults were already ironing their costumes and i was lucky to hav fren to help me iron.. I not good at ironing though, i was lazy and of cos tired.. I haven recover yet.. i still need the Beauty slp. yes the performance was still fine except for some small matters but the thing went fine. Then went supper and took cab home. long day... Getting my beauty slp... ZZZZZZ

Tmrw, meeting up with arts app grp to do the performance rehearsal.. cos tues is the real thing. And i found out that i think i cant act long ago when we tired to act out the show last wk. i dunno what has got to me but i cant act la! Very uneasy acting in front of them.. i also dunno y... Sigh but i hope i shall let go of everything and get into the role tmrw and make the rehearsal a good one cos i dun wan to waste their time... sorry if i cant act well. i never like to act but then i wld like to try and i hope i am not dat worse...

Dat goes my whole wk 6.. What a tiring and busy wk.. giv me back my sleep!!!