i already stopped taking things so hard
especially with handling emotions
not giving any single bit of my heart away anymore
never to give in too much feelings to anyone

BUT

i dunno when it all started
maybe is the little things that we do together
i dunno when u start to have that little place in my heart
just like spore
a little dot on the world's map
Sadly
my heart is way too too small compared to the world's map
so that little place that u stand in my heart
is actually so much so much

i cared
i got angry
y giving urself so much trouble to care
and get angry in the end

U will not be seeing this post and u never will
i jus wanna say it out
u did make me start to care again
but i would like to get over u
cos i know...
i dun have a place in ur heart

last nite i dreamt of u,
u pretty one
u have got the charm somehow
and make me so into u for that 4 yrs
yes u...
i do not know why u appeared in my dreams
but it was not really a good dream
i think i wanna see u again tonite but a good dream

Good nite... Zzz

Not a habit
Not a daily routine

It was always so nice and warms the heart
when ending each of the day
whoever's sleeping first
text the other with only a simple good nite wish
or concluding a little of the happenings for the day
updating each other every nite
at least there is this person on mind
before going to bed

How nice can this be...
If it still...

CAKES

These are CUTE...

These are PRETTY...

And...

This is SPECIAL...

=) Love this....

Dancing in Unity 2008- Traditional Elegance, Modern Scene
15 March 2008, 8pm, Victoria Theatre

Not dancing for our own Troupe's performance though but i'm here again
The many troupes together, putting up a performance...
The so familiar place, VT.
Every 2 years i will be coming back and performing on this stage for our own troupe's performance. (I hope it will continue)
The stage, the backstage,the lightings, the many dressing rooms, the spiral staircase that we used to climb up and down when we were rushing for the next item...
The entire place, not abit of change ever since i last left.

This place, contains all our hard work, worries, happiness , teamwork, fun and fulfillments.
Every Dance and its story behind...
Draws a beautiful end on this stage here in VT.
Never failed to give me post Expressions Blues when we mark the end of every own performances.

The last Dance,
The stage lights dimmed, the audiences applauded, the curtain closes.
The photo takings after the end of the performance
The way back to the dressing room
Saying how we did for the Dance
Commenting here and there
where we danced wrong etc
while untying our hair
Removing all the makeup
Removing the costume
Changing back to our normal clothes
Carrying all our props onto the lorry
Goodbye to VT

Heading home, walking on the bridge, Fullerton and Singapore River
The way home was always the same
the night lights, the night scene and the cold wind blowing
In mind, thoughts were all about the performance just before

Well, i'll have to experience everything again on 13th Sep 2008
Leng Kee Expressions IX
I'll say Hi and GoodBye to VT again...
Soon...

i can only say that things are constantly changing...

Maybe in
1 sec
1 min
1 hr
1 day...

You will never know what's gonna happen next...

No use thinking...

If it gonna be like this, then it will be...

rest ur mind and go to slp...

3 years...

The last semester of the studies...

The darkest period...

And i hate it the most...

It was such a struggle and such down times of my poly life...

nightmares with all the assignments and the packed submission dates...

the many days without slp....

the many worries that i had with all the stupid projects...

the people who i felt so hard to handle and what more to work with...

It made me learn many things...

It trained alot on my tolerance level...
But dun ever think that i keep quiet & dun fight back, you think that i'm always the loser & keep giving me that kind of face & attitude...
i had enough of it, really...
i just did not want to create more trouble by having war...
U are U and I am I...

And our world can never meet...

So let it be...

And finally i make it to the end...

I am so so happy that it all came to an end...

A real end and a full stop to this course...

Good Bye TP...

I'll always remember....
The morning breakfast, any bread w/o butter or cheese as i never like them.
The freshly brewed coffee with 2 packs of sugar and the beautiful cup that i drink in.
The sweet potato soup that u cooked when i just commented i din drink for a long time.

Then, The 9 pink roses when i have to go


Followed by, The farewell cake

More Surprises upcoming....

Then pop out a Card and the identical Ring u wore

Then, yesterday... i met up with her again...

Now, Estee Lauder Travel Exclusive Fragrance Collection

I think i cant take it anymore. I just wanna say...
U are always too good to me...
Too good to enter my life...
My heart cant contain anymore
And i'm really touched by u...
Never had i felt this special...
U are the first to make me realise...
Thank You and loves...
U will be treasured...

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Searching for that piece of heaven
That piece which belongs to me
Completing the missing part of my life
Just for me

Life's like a jigsaw puzzle
What may become of me
No one knows
No answer nor reply
Until I found that missing piece
That piece that can fit in my life's jigsaw puzzle
I'll be welcoming you to complete my puzzle
My complete life's puzzle

A puzzle that seems to be uncompleted
Blurry at some point of times
On the verge of falling
Shine the path that i should take
Shine it
And lead me
To where i should be heading to

Some things just so happens. I was viewing a profile of my fren and i saw u and her in the pic. U in your wedding gown. You are still the ever beautiful one. Suddenly, i felt a sudden heartache. Thank you for not inviting me to ur wedding. Maybe u have long 4gotten me or maybe i has never been able to enter ur world. Anyway, u are part of the reason y i like sch then. Sec 1 and sec 4 was the most memorable. If i could turn back the time, i think i will treasure 101%. Maybe that 1% will make u invite me to ur wedding or maybe jus an sms saying that u are getting married? Haha. Anyway, saw u so blissful, i'm so happy for u. U have all my best blessings.

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So long ago

Oh I'm screaming out, for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my OWN...

Whenever I'm mad it hurts me so bad
And you don't seem to care
If I'm mad at you I'll hurt myself too
But that doesn't really matter now
cos i'm totally over you

Well, it has been a very long time since i last blogged. And i'm back again! Some things to update....

23rd April- 13th Aug
Attachment was great! Never did i ever think going for attachment, working together with people u just know can be just so wonderful. I missed the people, the environment. It's just like a daily routine so much so comfortable. Guessed i've adpat to the sch. So much fun and laughters... So much so involved in the events, made me feel like a family even i just came in to work. I really felt the warmth and care u all have shown for me. And of course nice people that i would never 4get and make me still wanna go back when i'm free even if it is so far.. Last day, They had a little surprise farewell party for me. And i received pink roses, cards with their touching words inside, and other gifts inside, a secret gift that i really treasure. And a nice dinner at swensens with one of the teachers teaching there that i'm quite close with. Thank u so much. And from this attachment, i'm a little aspired to become a teacher or someone part in the sch.


13th Aug- 15th Aug
Rushing the SIP report.. Dunno how to start.. And i'm time pressed to complete the report b4 i can fly. The submission is actually on 20th but i'll be away so... On 13th, i read the guidelines and sian half way. Nothing comes to mind, so i slack, did nothing. haha I hate writing reports. On 14th started writing some nonsense and rubbish. Also like no much progress. On 15th last day for me to finish. Kept staring on the com screen. Typing little by little. And in the end did till next day morning 3 am. And there goes my slp. Only slept abt 2 - 3 hrs.


16th Aug- 21st Aug
Was away for Kuching International Dance Festival. Early in the morning 6am get out of house and headed to airport. Together with my other 6 dance mates and my laoshi. We flew there to perform together with dancers from all over the world. Then next day came, PA dancers and their 2 laoshi, Dance Inspiration dancers and their laoshi. We as one Spore. Was really a great experience. Before the trip we had to learn many other dance combinations, as many as 10 combi. We were all shocked and stressed as how to learn so many and remember the combi in such a short period of time. The adults were working, infact all those gg for this trip were working and were all tired and had to foresake our Sundays practising. But in the end we made it, not a very good performance though but everything went well for that section. So much laughters, fun, pain, aching that we shared... During this trip, many incidents that really made me learnt alot. Teamwork, Team spirits and be able to communicate with each other are very impt. The things we share and the situation that we were in, really bring us together. Really... brought us even closer. Together as one, i really do believe.


28th Aug
Went back to the sch for teachers' day celebration... So funny that i din go back to my own pri/sec sch. Went to my attachment sch instead. The concert, everybody was so excited abt the concert. And a big cake for the teachers by the sch. The children performed their items for their teachers. Also, they had their little party in class for their teachers. The children got their gifts ready and all rushed to their teachers and gave them their presents. The whole staff room filled with presents on their tables. And i got a chance to see how the teachers unpacked the gifts and their expression while opening. My first time. Been wondering how the teachers react when opening the gifts by students back when i was still a pri sch student. Now i have seen it with my own eyes. haha... Current Students and ex students of the sch came to flood the entrance of the staff room. Many teachers and their students at every corner of the sch. Was really a mess. So many ppl. Headache. Long time ever since i last experience this kind of situation.

28th Sep
And it's celebration for children's day. Haha. Went back to the sch again. Today, teachers got to perform instead. So amazing to see the teachers dance infront of their students and the items put up by them. Haha i always liked children's day celebration. But too bad children's day dun exist for us anymore. But then i still receive children's day gifts by the teachers... Haha so happy!


6th oct
haha.. Actually not arranged to meet with one of the teacher i've known at my attachment. Shld be today instead but on 5th oct nite and i was awoken by her call, she suddenly ask to go out on 6th instead as she scared she might have something on today. Haha our date is at 2pm, city hall mrt. But in the end we were both late but then she was only like 3 mins earlier than me. Our timing were good and the day was so hot and sunny, perfect for shooting. We went shopping and she bought lots of stuffs, clothes and heels. Everthing fits her nicely and so she bought them all that we have selected. Then it's our main purpose- shooting. We went shooting till crazy. Ask her to pose and pose, then she also wants me to pose. We were all crazy. The people there think we were crazy. Posing one and there. Spent hours walking from one place to another and posing and posing. And she is actually the first person so crazy with me in photography. We shoot till no more MRT service and so took a cab home. Then so excited transfer the photos to com and review the takes. Not all takes are good but some still satisfactory.

Here's one of the shots that i think is nice by her(still have many others):

here's taken by me:

I was browsing through the many photos... Then i came across the Dance chalet pics...
Suddenly i really missed the Dance chalet... which was some long time ago.. And i simply LOVE every single one of the pictures below...

The 3 really bored people in the room posing to the cam infront of the mirror somemore while we were still waiting for our turn to take bath..

Every single pose was so so special and so ever real... Think can never take the same pic with the same pose and the same atmosphere again... And the people taking the photo cannot be replaced, not even 1... Then it will turn out to be totally different... hahas....

hasn't been feeling very good for the past 2 days... Was totally stressed over some freaking sickening thing... it was like a dream...
When u have been left all alone and compromise cannot be done.. It was really hard for everyone, i knoe... how will u feel when u are in the situation? i was totally disheartened... My heart sank... i wished i can vanish into thin air and not worrying abt it anymore... i was just like a garbage where no one wants...

i lead a boring life...
sometimes just living in my own world
sometimes doing the same routine
likes to draw when i feel like it
sometimes do things unexpectedly
my mood swings every now and then
sometimes i feel like vanishing into thin air
can be hyper active
can be quiet all the while
i hate the word busy
i dun like ppl not replying to me
i like listening to songs that can touch me
i dun like adding colours in my drawing
i can be too emotional
but can be cold too
i want an elder sis
i believe that lady luck always not on my side

Think i need some colours to add on my life...
cos it's grey now...
But dats not the end.

Think i need someone really to understand me and not just see my weaknesses
no one is perfect?
can i find that someone?

can i stop the time so that happy moments will never end?

well i skipped dance again tonite! and again not telling the dance coordinator.. Haha... Bad bad but then i'm just lazy!

And today the stupid workers keep on drilling.... Dunno drill What... The whole afternoon... hear the drilling sound... Headache... Just cant u all Stop it....

again it's a boring day!

but soon i'll be having SIP....

So well, let me rot just another wk... cos when SIP starts, think also no time to rot...

Friendship can be in many kinds:

1. someone is always giving and the other person not taking
2. someone always giving and the other person taking but did not show
3. someone is always giving more and the other person less
4. someone giving and the other person also give some in return

for 1. - dat someone will give as much as possible at first but will eventually get tired and let go.

for 2. - dat someone will not knoe if the other person care abt this frenship anot. May stay on but may also let go.

for 3. - This friendship will last if dat someone really treasure the friend and does not mind giving more.

for 4. - This friendship may be a true one if the giving and taking last...

In different friendships, U may be dat someone or u may be the other person.

Only U know which category u belong to.

Can u guess which is the tallest building in singapore that can reach the sky and touch the moon and star?

haha.. went bugis with some of my sec sch frens... Long time did not meet up, so met for dinner cum gathering.. haha

After dinner, Went to take neoprint...
8 ppl squeezing inside that small machine... It was hot hot hot.. Damn hot... need to take dunno how many shots and choose 6 out of them... we took a long time to position ourselves...

So we kept squeezing to make sure that all the faces can be inside and decrease the chance of blocking each other...

But still....



some faces got blocked... Cant help it... too many people... haha