this 20+ years in my life

hi and bye frens,

i have alot
alot, indeed...
ppl see me as i have lots of friends.
every now and then i see familiar faces
saying a hi, giving a smile and a bye.


BUT

having someone who can talk to,
sharing my probs,
sharing my happiness,
sharing my unhappiness,
sharing my worries,
giving me some comfort when i needed most
lending me a listening ear
Giving me a hug when i cry
taking away my fears,
staying by my side a little longer when i'm down
understanding me that i'm not perfect
knowing that i'm just me
feeling how i feels

i know everyone will be saying:
i'm busy(a word that i hate!)
i have lots of things to handle myself too
i have my own probs too
but i think is all excuses

But give a thought,
if the person is impt to u
will u say u are too busy and dun care?
it is just where the person stands in ur heart
if u really care
no matter what
just a simple sms will be more than enough
just spending a few secs is enough

maybe i'm a person
who do not know how to express myself well?
out of frequency with the others?
hard to get along?
hard to understand?
hard to compromise?

or

maybe i'm asking too much
maybe i'm too demanding
maybe i'm too emotional
maybe i'm real no good

nothing good in anyways
a living thing that takes up space on earth
what a waste
so in the end
i have no one

F.R.I.E.N.D
a word
that
i still have many doubts.
Will u be there?
if i needed someone,
anyone who cares
being a friend?
i guess i still have not found.
i think i can never find.
someone close to heart.
i'm just some weirdo person.

the me u are seeing,
what if i say i've been faking,
sometimes i dun even know who am i
losing touch of my soul
always appearing to be like not caring
and always appearing to be strong
even when i feel hurts
i also have my ups and downs
but
i pretended
do u know how i'm feeling inside?

i'm tired.
i'm a loner.
where shld i go
and who shld i turn too?
i think i'm shutting all doors.
cos i dun believe anymore
i think i need a good cry
and everything will be fine?

for those who had real good frens, close frens, bestie girlfrens, best best fren or true fren
i really envy from deepest of my heart
may all ur friendships blossoms till the end of life
and treasure them,
b4 u know it
they are gone
friendships, like relationships,
need to be 2 sided,
giving and taking for both parties
and there will surely be
1 giving more, taking less
and 1 taking more, giving less
or maybe not giving but taking
but i surely understand
1 sided will never work

feeling down thus such an emotional post.
i will feel better.