why does it always end up like this?

i really dunno what to say.

Frankly,i dun fear of becoming old, not able to walk freely and finally death.

But i really fear the day when loved ones are getting older and older in time to come and sleep finally bring them away forever.

sick
my throat hurts so much so that even when i'm swallowing down my saliva, i can feel the pain.

我想说但说不出来

can u feel what i feel?

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
Wats real and wats not, is all in your Faith & Doubt.
Faith or Doubt, they come in pair,
I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists.
Wats real and wats not?

你还是没把日期记得
但我希望我送你的礼物，
你能收好。

这个日期，将会成为
回忆... 那再也找不回来的从前
谢谢你.

我想我该放手了

The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.

being on duty for the past 3 days
as an invigilator for the GCE N level examination.

Ha..
Looking at the setting of the tables and chairs
in the so familiar examination hall

Looking at uniform that the students were wearing
i wore the same design too

Last time as a student
Now, working in there
and switched the role

i still remember last time i hate doing exams
doing the paper and the invigilators walking round

now, my turn to walk round
looking at them doing their exams
giving out the papers
and collecting them

i felt it was just totally like a dream
a wonderful one.
never had i thought this could ever happen.
____________________________________________________________________

but the sch had lots of changes
not very drastic though
but the feeling's really different

the building's still there
but the people,the system
and the role i'm playing changes
over the years
the sentimental values somehow lost

working with some of my teachers
who are still ard

i somehow, sometimes just feel
out of place.

really.

i hope u like the gift?

i'm super tired.

All people want is someone to listen.

what can i say?
i dunno what to say.

what can i do?
i dunno what to do.

how can i express?
i dunno how to express.

so this is the expression i give.
so 无奈。

happy 11th month, sis

好久没和你说话了
好久没见到你了
你还好吗？

我想我们俩的距离也疏远了吧？
但回忆还留在脑海里
是不会消失的
除非我失忆了

i dread to go to sch tmrw
ha why would i walk to this stage

why i ever want to even teach?
nvr is my ambition

Inspire. Be a Teacher.
TEACH.

now let me rearrange the word.
H- how
T- to
E- educate
A- a
C- child
How to educate a child?

i need someone to TEACH me pls.
it seems so hard, no, its actually hard
i feel like giving up.

i think it's really time
the feeling is coming back again
i feel i'm worthless
even if i'm here or not
it doesn't really matter anymore
cos i just felt this way.

i'm very tired.

Both thinking that other is busy and will not contact each other,
thinking it might be disturbing to the other party.

As time passes,
both will think
"let the other one contact me first."

After some time, each will think
" Why should i contact first?"

From here onwards,
not wanting to contact each other
the friendship will start to drift apart...
Further and Further.

Finally, the memory becomes weak
due to lack of contact.

And we forget each other?

ha. i'm sick... again.
this yr sick alot of times le.
it's only like half the yr and every month i bound to be sick.
fever, flu, sore throat all come together....
and here we go again
feeling very 辛苦 now.

i dunno what i'm feeling.
i'm just too complicated.
cant i just be a little more simple?
or can things be simpler?

but i'm feeling very empty too.
body, mind and soul.

When we last chatted?
1 mth ago
and we never talk again.
Not even a single word.
aren't we cool.

Learn to forgive and forget.
i should have long learn.
but will it really make my life happier?
i should think so.
and i think i have learnt.
but am i happier?
even if i do so.

学怎么原谅和忘记
我早该学会
但学会了，人生会活得更快乐吗?
我想会吧。
我想我现在已学会了
但我真的快乐了吗？

happy 10th month,sis

I really dun feel good.
Starting to think i made the wrong choice again.
Why do i always make wrong choices?
and always finding trouble for myself.

Is there anything that i can do to make myself better?
cos i'm feeling shit again.

happy 9th month, sis

What's the purpose of life?
When will i die?
I did a quiz and it said that i will die pretty soon..
In 2015 and a car accident!
I may die in a terribly ugly state?
So if really that's the case, i will only have 6 yrs more to live.

Will people feel sad when i die?
Will people even know of my worth?
Will people even care?
Will people even shed a tear for me?

Treasure all the things you have now
Be contented and stop grumbling
express what u feel to the people u care
let them know
before it's too late
by then when slp takes me away 4ever
i will not be able to do so or to know that ppl cared

cos life's just short and unpredictable

My temper is getting from bad to worst!
I feel so frustrated!
so sick and tired of all the things around.
I flare my temper
so damn F**K
Arghh. Kill me
i need to breathe

Well, communication is a 2 way process.
Even if i tried so hard
so What?
It's all meaningless.
I'm giving up

我只想当妹妹

五年后，再回到我曾经那么熟悉的地方。

感觉是那么地微妙，那么地兴奋和那么点儿担心。

我想我回去的其中一个原因是因为-你。

但我们总是那么地没有缘分。

我好不容易才来了，你却要离开了。

我以为我再也不向以前那么地在乎你了。

但我错了，再一次见到你，我知道你还是在我心中有个位置。

过了那么久，始终没改变。

你要离开了，我真的不知要哭还是要笑。

我只知道我会舍不得。

但我真心祝福你在新的环境里会比在这里更加更加地开心‘ 快乐

有缘再见吧！

Goodbye.

!@#$%^&**&^%$#@!@#$%^&

Happy 8th month, sis

this is so cute... I like...


i like this also... Good Luck Bear. Think i need one though... i always no luck. =(


and this is funny...


have an early nite. tired

this week tutorial's like SHIT
i can say is SHIT
really
The teacher...
i simply "love" him to death
i cant concentrate in his class AT ALL
dun understand him a single bit
and 5 assignments,
1 day 1 assignment
and more coming up!
how bad can this be?
kill me.
still doing assignment
haven have dinner
i'm hungry &
TOTALLY TIRED
i'm unhappy =(
i wanna cry

如果我离开了，
你会发现吗？

Is Mr Weather having fever?
Why is it so HOT and WARM these days?
Really cant stand it.
Take care and get well soon, Mr Weather.
cos u dun get well, i'm getting sick.

我累了， 真的累了

i feel totally shit

Think i'm dying soon...

totally cant breathe through my nose
so breathe through my mouth
and coughing till as if my lungs are popping out
my throat hurts

-RIP-

well well well, i have nothing to say now.

Happy 7th months, sis.

Song Title: The Climb

Artist:Miley Cyrus

The always DONT SLP ON TRAIN me

IS NOW SLPING ON TRAIN for real

For the past wk, i'm slping like nobody's business!

Guess i'm really tired.

Having backache too.

Traveling from almost one end to another everyday.

Thanks la.

Still have 9 more wks to go.

Hope i can really survive...

Cat, u can do it man!

Jiayou ba...

nice one.

i feel so empty.
and tired
slept the whole day.

It's 15th again
Happy 6th months, sis

Today was my official last day
i wasn't happy or sad
all i felt was normal for the day

now i just know there is this sudden sadness in my heart.
though not long enough to say really close to you people
i always thought these months i haven started to grow to really like you people
the feeling not that strong and close

But what now?

at this moment
a drop of tear just dropped down
followed by a few more

i was actually starting to like you people
after all, not that bad

anyway, what's done cannot be undone
and please dont look back

you seemed to be strong
i hope u are really fine
the feeling of losing a loved one
and it happened so sudden

i felt the pain
when i saw u cried
even though we are not that close

Stay strong

Still not feeling well.
Have been sick, recovering and sick again.
that nose of mine
a week le
still running and blocking
u WIN!
i LOSE!

feverish too.
what happen?
tell me why.

Happy five months, sis.
Words dun have to speak aloud.
Just use the <3 heart to feel.

心情不好

it's nice to talk to someone
someone whom u din contact for a while

it's funny how people and people get together
and then apart
just like that

sometimes there's really no reason
why will get together
and then just suddenly apart
maybe it's just the right time and the right feel

sometimes apart till like some stranger
like don't know each other before

ask me if i experienced?
i said yes
and happened many times
i believed many others do

no matter what,
all i have to say...

* It's amazing when strangers become friends, but it's sad when friends become strangers*

and if it happens
just have to face it.

can i have some peace?

Well, today was shitty at work
that colleague of mine
either take leaves or MCs
can really MCs so many days?
last wk took 2 days MCs
yesterday took urgent leave
today took MC again
what she want?
i'm really pissed
got so much work to clear for my own
and still have to cover hers
piling up and more to come
i'm gg super crazy
my mood gets extra hot.
at a point of time i think i cant breathe
my breath just stopped.
my mind just blanked
my eyes and ears just shut

____________________________________________________
the usual same route back home
the 5 min walk from the mrt to home
today i actually took 20 min
many things running through my mind
i cant think.

i seriously dunno what i wanted
i seriously not feeling very happy
i seriously dun even know what i'm feeling inside myself
i cant see the future
i cant imagine
my visions are blurred
i have no directions anymore

but still i have to pretend to be strong
i'm tired
i dunno myself anymore

can someone just take a knife and stab me right through.
so i will just say goodbye to the world

i'm very vexed
infact i'm scared
i dunno how

the timing always wrong
Why do things alway happen at the wrong time
just when i started to accept things
and here came something else to disrupt

think i just have to do it
and get over

Happy Four Months, sis.

sometimes ppl are just so fake
so plastic
& backstabbers
infront of you, angels
behind you, devils
they can act so well
best actresses awards.
so xi guan jiu hao
cos already numbed.

now i cant really differentiate the gd & bad
so everyone's neutral

maybe used to be too silly
thinking that if u are gd to ppl
they will be gd to you too

i wont use my heart to feel anymore
i wont give my feelings and says
i have no words to describe how i felt

and dun think that when ppl are good to you means they are good
and dun think that when ppl are bad to you means they are bad
just stay neutral
and never get feelings invovled

so dun be surprised that
one day u'll see the 'cold' side of me

Less talks
Less communications
Less time spent
Less of everything
somehow i dun like the feeling
__________________________________________________________________

Goodbye 2008, Welcome 2009.

But still i dont really feel that it's a new year.

It was just another normal day and another year

the only change is that 2008, 2009.

and all of us will have their birthdays coming again

and then cny

and then all the other holidays and occasions

over and over again

repeating all over

but life still goes on

and have to work

so much of it

and i do not know if i'll still be in my current job

hope that this new yr- 2009

will be a better yr

peace, happiness and good health ahead. =)