how much do you care?
have you ever cared?

well

not a good girl
not a good daughter
not a good sister
not a good dancer
not a good worker
not a good-tempered girl
not a good friend
not a good person

dun get close to me
cos i'm jus good for nothing

hav you ever felt so comfortable saying anything

simply any little thing

without hesitating to a person?

sometimes i wanna say what i'm feeling

and the things that were kept in my heart

i want to say

but...

the thought that i'm gg back to my sec sch tmrw
is kind of so fascinating and so filled with hope
i'm so excited
i'm happy too
but also
i'm a little afraid
i dunno how to describe

not visiting my teachers or anything else
but for something
something, quite serious
i really dunno where my future lies but
i'm full with passion this one time
something which i think i will like and think will enjoy doing
but i'm not sure if it will be a success

this once familiar place
the environment and things
where i spent for 4 years
when i was much younger
still growing and learning
that's the place

but i should not hope too much
cos the more i hoped
the more disappointing it will be
if it turns out bad

but still i'm soo soo excited
think i cant slp tonite..

ha
it's sun
tmrw's mon
gonna work
then tue
wed
thur
fri
sat and
sun
again, another wk's gone
time's passing fast
hav u treasured the time?

you are you and I am I,
you do your things and I'll do mine too,
and if in the end we meet up together,
it is beautiful.

you said you know
but i say you dont

i think i really dun understand

and so i'm just leaving it
__________________________________________________________________

i read my horoscope today and it says:

Letting go of some of your negative energy is easier to do when you get your heart pumping! So go for a long jog in the woods, hit the gym, or just do some jumping jacks in your kitchen while the cookies are baking! As long as you can fit some kind of exercise into your day, you will help yourself get over an old grudge, forgive someone who wronged you, or shake loose a bad feeling about someone. Focusing on making your life better lets you be more positive overall.

But I slept for half the day instead of exercising..
so i'm not going to get over an old grudge, 4give someone who wronged me or shake loose a bad feeling abt someone?

well do u believe in reading horoscope?

take my heart away
so that i wont feel anything
simply nothing
happy sad angry disappointment
anything

and can still be alive
by then will be a living dead

but i dun mind
i wished i was cold blooded
so nothing can affect me

well, more than 14 years of relationship
and they both finally tied the knot
and everyone showered their blessings on their wedding day
in that high class hotel

set up their own cosy home
designed their own house
make it till so posh and stuffs

yet now they break up
not even a yr of marriage though
i really dun understand

can just 说分开就分开?
难道不知道心会痛？
一点感觉都没有？
那么多一起度过的美好日子
说放弃就放弃
我肯定一切都忘不了。

可能在一起久了，一切都是因为习惯
而再也不是爱情？

如果早知会这样
那为何当初要结婚？
然后再这样的收场？

我真的觉得很可惜。。。
但这最终还是你们的选择和决定。
now seperate ways but still
祝你们两都幸福‘ 快乐吧。

It's monday

i dunno y i started disliking monday ever since i started work

i only love fri nite, saturday and sunday b4 4pm.

cos after 4pm, will start to hav monday blues even though not even monday yet.

then MON, TUE, WED, THUR, FRI, SAT, SUN

all ovr again

again and again...

stayed ovr at cc last nite

but din slp well though

today woke at 5.45am

and all don't wan wake

then early morning make up,tie hair, dress and get ready for perf

was running late cos was told to be there by that time

so like crazy siao cha bo with costumes and make up

ran on the streets to the park where the carnival was

but then we were not late also cos still have to wait in the end


what a Sunday morning!

first was to just stand with props to wait and welcome ministers

then went back cc change costume for dance item

then back again

wait and wait for our turn to perf

no place to sit

sat on stairs and sun shinning

and is so so damn hot today.

well

guess what?

i'm tired & hungry now.

this 2 simple words
sorry and thanks

u will never know how i read it
i just know what u wanna to convey

thank you.
cos i know what to do.

i always wonder

if things ain't like this
will it be like something else?

will it happen to be better?
or will it happen to be worse?

choices
choices that i choose
i think i always made the wrong decisions
and chose the wrong choices
and often
i try not to regret
but somehow i did

and yes i did.
___________________________________________________________

life's always so complicated

cant i just live simple & happy?

ha

tossed on bed at 11

till 12 plus

and i cant get into slp again

it's bad

but i know i'm tired

now right eye red

cos kept rubbing

and running nose again

hope it wont run away!

hahaha

what a nite

i've been very sleepy and tired
for this whole wk
even if i had my sleep
not feeling well though

i know i still care when i took my hp and started to sms
even jus 2 words in the sms

i'll sleep soon

As usual i wont say a word
even if i dun feel good

maybe one day i wont feel this way anymore
and that's when
i'm tired
all tired
to even care.

cos i already knew...

Auntie, u better take care and get well soon
stop overworking
work's never ending
i'm sure ppl ard u dun wish to see u getting sick.

feeling real shit.

wanna scream and shout like nobody's business
shutting myself
just tired of everything
anything

but after all
i dunno how to vent all the frustrations
i just know how to keep silence

so just go to sleep.

The second song on my playlist- Chiquitita by ABBA

A song, you once dedicated to me so long ago.

I felt so glad hearing the song at that point of time.

cos the lyrics so meaningful.

Describing so right.

even now, I feel so much better whenever i hear it when i'm not feeling so good

even though it's not the same anymore

Thank you.

here it goes...
Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong
You're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your love's a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

some things left undone
some words left unsaid
some feelings left unexpressed

and even if it's done
and even if it's said
and even if it's expressed

all will never be noticed
so now put an end to it.

well
this is ****
stupid flu bug
cant it just stay far far away from me!
it's coming to me again
when it only just seems to be alittle better
kept sneezing whole day long
nose may just drop off anytime
it's seriously terrible
feeling so sick

thanks tissue papers to be there for me
when i needed it most.
_____________________________________________________

everyone busy with their own lives
busy with all the things
leading different lives
having different priorities
no time for conversations
no time for any other little things
well, just appreciate the differences

天空间飘来的雨
滴滴洒落在我心里
大雨就要开始不停的下
该不该躲这场雨

我的心已经完全的没有主张
我的心已经完全的失去方向
带我到没有爱情的地方

nose still blocked

still not able to breathe properly

mood not very good

not a very nice day

and then sunday

and then monday

got to work again

it's raining

i only know next time = dunno when

so i nvr reply

all the next time will be forget and forgotten.

jiayou on the presentation

and hope u dun no good mood le

take care.

ha

i'm sick

caught a cold

slowly sore throat

keep sneezing

nose blocked

stuffing tissues into my nose

very tired and sleepy

lack of oxygen

i hate it

surprisingly,

this long break

i did not really have post production blues

which i always had for the past few ones

also not really eager to go back

i feel nothing

is this good or bad?

and is this an indication that i'm really over and done with it?

i've to sort my thoughts out

it's always complicated

maybe one day... one day

when i really know what i want, how i feel

somehow somewhat

i just wanna be an audience

or some stage helper

just be there to lend a hand (audience- hand to give applauses, stage helper- hand to move props)

cos i know i dun shine

the stage i've always been on for all the years

i think i finally know

it really is not the place where i belong

if i'm granted 3 wishes,

i dun want frame
i dun want wealth
i dun want all the things that is a want but not a need

i just needed a little more understanding, care and patience from people
i just needed all my loved ones, family and frens to be healthy and happy always
i just needed to lead a simple and ordinary yet happy life and lived life to the fullest.

Just take it easy
take it easy in everything
said, do or done
even if it feels how damn
even it feels how shit

i have no feeling anymore
cos i'm just dead
a dead cant feel anything
nothing.

i'm just simple
i trust people quite easily

i dun ask for much
i wont ask why no reply my sms
i wont sms again
cos the reason's so clear
i'm not at all important to even let u spare a sec to return an sms.

how hard can replying a sms be?
i really dunno.
it really shows it all.
and it's abit hurting after all
cos i cared.

i've learnt to be contented with whatever i have
and not hoping for anything else
at least now i wont hope for things that will never come true

i'm really tired. i dun like what i'm doing now. every single moment. i wanna just leave. and get out of this shit. can i?

When u put in too much feelings
u can get angry and disappointed even over the smallest things ever.

just becos u din get what u expected it to be in return.
just becos u are too silly.
just becos u cared too much.

we already know
we are actually not that close even from the start
our worlds dun really meet somehow
we have much differences, i know
we dun hav much chemistry together

but i really felt close
for that once
our paths did cross
didn't we?
or maybe i was wrong?

but i really enjoyed the time spent
and the fun we both had
even for the short period of time
the memories still so clear

i'll always remember
even if the smallest details
even if u ever 4get

It all ended.

Putting a full stop.

Hope it was a beautiful ending.

All the rehearsals, the hard work, the commitments and the time given by everyone.

We all know the time's tight, more extra time that we needed to spare

The many more days and hours of trainings.

Making us physically tired out and aching all over.

We all know the frustrations, the little arguments, the fun & laughters, the happinesses & unhappiness.

And the many nicknames i had for this exp. I actually quite like the new name: Catherine Danielle Chua. Ha
________________________________________________________________

It was the actual performance finally.

It was all too soon.

The prayer and cheer before the performance.

Giving one another moral supports.

From the first dance till the last.

The dim of the stage lights.

The applauses from the audiences.

The last bow on Victoria Theatre's stage.

The happy screams at the end of the performance

a relief.

It all ended just like that.
________________________________________________________________

A very big thank you for all the dancers.

Each and everyone.

We spent so much time together.

We have come so far together.

I know i gotta miss you people.

it will soon be the time.

Well, left only 1 wk and we'll mark the end our performance on Victoria Theatre's Stage.
The months of trainings,
the efforts and time we committed in
the fun and the bad times
the happy and bad moods
the frustrations and all
the little arguments on the dance steps
and the timing to come to make props
the little injuries here and there
we had them all together
the team work from all of us
at the end when we hear the applause from the audiences,
we know in our hearts
the efforts we put in
they were worth it
really hope that it will be a good one.
everything will be well and good

but when we mark the end of the whole performance
i know i'll miss the time when we were so busy training
although very tiring
but i enjoy the time spent with all the people
the laughters, the complaints, the happy times
it's so ironic

well, now jiayou ba!
later then have my post production blues.
and i'll slowly recover.

i'm just silly.
just wanna be childish sometimes
let me be

It's raining outside.
A little heavy i would say.

Windows wide open
looking out of the window
all i see is rain water pouring down
and cool wind blowing in.

i used to like taking a stroll in the rain
let the rain splash down
right from my head to toes
wash away my troubles and worries

get a little drenched
get a little sick

it just shows everything
i finally and really got to know
how not important i am
and where do i stand

i'm just a nobody
a passerby in one's life
one who's so insignificant

even if i'm gone
will u ever realize it?
will u ever realize my presence?

no.

i still remembered
it was only after 4 years
then suddenly i realised u just really shine.
sitting at a distance and appreciate
was such a beautiful sight

Dun ask me y.
cos i just really dunno why.
and u never failed to capture me deeper everytime
whenever i see u perform again

Lighten up!
No matter how bad things may or may not be right now,
there is plenty of stuff in life that one can celebrate.
Stop dwelling on the worries and the woes that have been swirling around the head lately.
Flip through some old photos and have a good laugh and recall all the fond memories.
Buy many cups of different flavor bubble tea and drink them all by myself!
Just be silly and avoid thinking too deep into your own thoughts.
And life will be easier and happier.

it's my 4th cup of bubble tea today.
not even 1 wk.
can see that i'm so not happy.

kill me.

emptiness is all i felt.
so so empty in within.
really.

no one knew how alone i was feeling.
cos u are not me.
u dunno how i am feeling.
the emptiness i tried so hard to hide.

no one knew
cos i covered up so nicely.

缘分是一种非常美丽和奇妙的东西？
从完全一个陌生人
到成为朋友
是一件很美的事
不管早相遇，晚相遇
不管在哪，会遇见就是有缘份
有缘人终究会遇见。

是你的，就是你的
不必苦苦强求
但现在拥有的
要知足，要珍惜， 要好好握紧
因为不知几时会突然从你手中失去
失去了就不要后悔
已太迟了

最终你会发现
勉强是没有幸福的
虽缘吧

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all.

a very nice cake!
so cool.

Sometimes you just have to turn your back and walk away.
Whether walking out on your friends, your family, or the love of your life.

Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing to do
but the best thing in the end.

simply cool.
imagine....
to be driving this car...
i must be in my dreams

In the darkest hours
When you can't take it anymore
And all of the light just fades away
Just like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of gray

Take each step one day at a time
Let live and let live forget and forgive
It's all how you see it
And just remember keep it together
I can make it
Sometime soon I know I'll see

I'm not defeated
And soon I'll be smiling once again
Then I won't have to feel it
Let it go with the wind
Time passes us by
And know that I'm allowed to cry
and grow strong

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run.
I'll not hide.
this is how I feel inside
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. 

What you have caught on film is captured forever...
it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.

Giving someone all your love is never an
assurance that they'll love you back.

Don't expect love in return;
just wait for it to grow in their heart
but if it doesn't,

be contented that it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute
to get a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone,
and a day to love someone,

but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

I wont say it out
I wont really show
I wont really express
and you will never know
that i actually care.

Seeing the tears dropping down
felt the pain u felt at that moment
the impact must be really hard
but I can do nothing
what's done cannot be undone
i cant turn back the time
and stop the hit
just hope that it wont swell tmrw
please go rub some oil
and take care of yourself, auntie.

Something which makes life so lifeless and boring
Good comments Bad comments
Employed or Fired
Back stabbers, politics
Pretenders wearing fake masks everywhere
It's all devils
and you have to pretend too
wearing a fake mask once you step in
really too tired wearing this kind of mask

It's just to earn yourself a living
why make life so hard on yourself and for others?
it is just for the sake of a living isn't it?

Working so hard just to earn as much while you can
and gives yourself so much stress and pressure
what about health?
earn so much also cannot bury with you in the coffin

People matters more than the work you needed to do
If the people are nice, work not that easy
The people will help one another and gives support
ends the day with some comfort and smiles
and everything will be just fine

Work.
cos you HAVE to.
cos you NEED to.

Some just past by you
some will stay alittle longer
some are there right from the start
some may just be forgotten
some are always there but never get to notice
and some never really cared but suddenly
slowly touches you little by little as time goes by
and makes you start to care

People come and people go.
Did you ever wonder why do these people come into our lives?
and how beautifully from strangers to friends?
Staying for years and years in your life.
talking abt secrets and sharing all the little things and never hide
just to be there, to give you a pat and say everything will be alright.

Never to get too involved
Never to get too emotional
Never to put in too much feelings
Never to give your heart away so easily
Never to give promises if you know u will break the promise

敞开心情回首曾经的错误
　　才知平淡是幸福

快不快乐自己清楚
　　开心早已变得模糊

幸不幸福自己清楚
　　却生在福中不知福

痛不痛苦自己清楚
　　心扉藏着几经无助

烦烦烦烦
烦烦烦烦
烦烦烦烦
烦烦烦烦
烦.

Give me strength.
Give me the courage.
Guide me through.
bring me back.
i'm lost.

life still goes on.
the heart still beating
showing that i'm still alive
but a body w/o soul.
is as good as a living dead.

i can feel that u were so afraid that i anyhow browse through ur hp.
so scared that i go into somewhere i am not supposed to see.
i got no intention to browse anywhere
cos i know is personal
just wanted to help explore
but still...
i shld not have

i did notice
but i did not want to say
driving but kept looking in my direction
or maybe i'm too sensitive

guess u din trust me
Thank you.

if only things can seem so clear & bright
if only things can just stay & never disappear
if only things can seem so simple yet so beautiful
............. and i will not let go.

If i finally made up my mind and decided to leave
I will pass u something that i've done for u
and i wont look back
cos i know
i need to go.

It is really up to you
to remember things,
any details
any words said

if u really cared.

Teach me to be happy go lucky
Teach me to let go of things easily
Teach me to keep my cool
Teach me to take things easy
Teach me to keep a smile on the face
Teach me to be good tempered
Teach me to feel happiness
Teach me not to think so much into things
Teach me not to be too emotional
Teach me not to be stress
Teach me not to have mood swings

Think i'm too confused. Need to have a good slp.

No one's perfect
I know I'm certainly not.
I have more weaknesses than strength that i can count.
I have frequent mood swings now and then
Lately, i kept quiet most of the time
lost interest in anything
I need to have a higher tolerance level
be it anything
I need to be more good tempered
I seriously have to change
I cant get a grip of my own mood
I know it's hard to get along with someone
whose mood swings often, like me
I myself feel hard to get along with myself
I really need to sort things out
talk to my soul, feel my heart
It's really time to grow

patience. believe. persevere. determined. i will.

在一起越來越久　
开始会对你在乎
這感覺你明白吗?

The words that i underlined, simple yet so meaningful.

In this busy life, we hardly have time to stop and take a break,
take some time, even jus a sec,
take a look at ur loved ones,
take a look at ur frens,
take a look at the people around u,
take a look at the world again

maybe u can feel the beauty of a smile,
maybe u can feel the warmth of a touch
maybe u can feel the bliss of simply watching the world go by.

just keep silence and start listening
a little care, concern & understanding
a little patience
sparing some time
at some point of time
maybe will mean so much to someone

life isnt really that beautiful
with all the ups and downs
the hurts and scars
but we grow from them.

colours are added into our lives somehow
although not always
but
at some points of time
different parts of our lives
somewhere, somehow

take a deep breath
leave all the downs, regrets, sadness
its going to be a beautiful new day again
live life the way u want it to be

try is all i can say
make the impossible possible
before
its too late
when
slp finally takes us away forever.

Tired.

really.

i can feel myself GONE.

I think i need to breathe

a little more air

a little more space

a little more time

a little more patience

a little more understanding

a little more care

a little more concern

a little more of anything that can make me happier

just a little

is all i need

now.

this 20+ years in my life

hi and bye frens,

i have alot
alot, indeed...
ppl see me as i have lots of friends.
every now and then i see familiar faces
saying a hi, giving a smile and a bye.


BUT

having someone who can talk to,
sharing my probs,
sharing my happiness,
sharing my unhappiness,
sharing my worries,
giving me some comfort when i needed most
lending me a listening ear
Giving me a hug when i cry
taking away my fears,
staying by my side a little longer when i'm down
understanding me that i'm not perfect
knowing that i'm just me
feeling how i feels

i know everyone will be saying:
i'm busy(a word that i hate!)
i have lots of things to handle myself too
i have my own probs too
but i think is all excuses

But give a thought,
if the person is impt to u
will u say u are too busy and dun care?
it is just where the person stands in ur heart
if u really care
no matter what
just a simple sms will be more than enough
just spending a few secs is enough

maybe i'm a person
who do not know how to express myself well?
out of frequency with the others?
hard to get along?
hard to understand?
hard to compromise?

or

maybe i'm asking too much
maybe i'm too demanding
maybe i'm too emotional
maybe i'm real no good

nothing good in anyways
a living thing that takes up space on earth
what a waste
so in the end
i have no one

F.R.I.E.N.D
a word
that
i still have many doubts.
Will u be there?
if i needed someone,
anyone who cares
being a friend?
i guess i still have not found.
i think i can never find.
someone close to heart.
i'm just some weirdo person.

the me u are seeing,
what if i say i've been faking,
sometimes i dun even know who am i
losing touch of my soul
always appearing to be like not caring
and always appearing to be strong
even when i feel hurts
i also have my ups and downs
but
i pretended
do u know how i'm feeling inside?

i'm tired.
i'm a loner.
where shld i go
and who shld i turn too?
i think i'm shutting all doors.
cos i dun believe anymore
i think i need a good cry
and everything will be fine?

for those who had real good frens, close frens, bestie girlfrens, best best fren or true fren
i really envy from deepest of my heart
may all ur friendships blossoms till the end of life
and treasure them,
b4 u know it
they are gone
friendships, like relationships,
need to be 2 sided,
giving and taking for both parties
and there will surely be
1 giving more, taking less
and 1 taking more, giving less
or maybe not giving but taking
but i surely understand
1 sided will never work

feeling down thus such an emotional post.
i will feel better.

erm think i'm bad
keep saying 'ur best fren' and all stuffs
i will stop.
really...
if i were the 'best fren',
i will feel sad when i get to find out
so no more stuffs like this, CAT!!!
stop hurting ppl indirectly.

but best fren's good
i'm truthful
cos best fren
u'll at least remember
at least u'll think of her
and care.

i felt the distance between u and me
more and more
whenever i see u again
i think it's time

Met with 1 of my sec sch fren tonite.
Went to eat dinner somewhere near my work place
We ordered lots of food and we had to clear all
if not we will get extra charges
Played scissors, paper, stone
Who looses, finish up the plate of food
We are always so kuku
abit childish like we were still back in sec sch
i remembered we played scissors, paper, stone also
but who looses got to get beaten on the hand
then played till hand were red, hot and pain
those were the times...

After dinner,
din wanna go home yet
thought of drinking vodka
so went to look for places where they sell
search high and low,
most shops already closed
then finally found it
We bought vodka and then a bag of ice
the auntie asked for IC cos thought we not 18 yet
then sat near the roadside
tried hard to open the lid of the vodka using Keys!
cos we 4got to ask the auntie to open for us
but anyway
we managed to open it..
although a very small cut on the finger
we were high even b4 we started drinking
spent the nite under the city lights
little night breeze blowing on our faces while we were chatting

then head back home.
i think i need to have a little more of this kind of nites
to really let go of myself
but i wont go pubbing

well, goodnite, now is already 12 plus in the morning.
i'm tired
really
and got to work and dance tmrw
hope i can wake and get through the long day...

3rd day of Work and i kena fire drill.
fire drill reminds me of my sec sch days!
Happening rite?
42 storey of ppl coming down by the stairs...
lucky i not at very high level
imagine if real fire,
b4 i can climb down to the 1st,
i think i already fainted or already burnt
think dat time is jump off building and say good bye le

not too bad
had a stroll to the evacuation area
some distance away from office
the whole grp of ppl crossing the road like nobody's business
all wearing working wear
lots of trees at the place where we were
lots of small flying creatures u can find in the parks
grasses with soft mud at some areas
then shoes sinking in, esp those ladies with heels.
then the whole building ppl there chatting and ignore the person giving instructions
cos is just a drill, not the real thing
BUT
what if a real fire occurs?
u never know
will u still react the same?
Life's so unpredictable
maybe i will slp to my death
and never wake up again?

what a day...
it another tired day
i think i still haven get used to the working days

how i hope to receive a sms frm u rite now at this moment...

Work Work Work...
My Work place really forbids every single site that allows chats..
MSN, Google Talk, IM, Ebuddy, Skype, Web messenger, all that i know of
i tried all the sites but all Forbidden!
Haiz... I cant chat la from 8.30-6
then go home thInk too tired and lazy to online anymore

And now that i'm new and still have lots of things to learn,
also i still have no access to the database of the system
cos i need to do security test first
which they have not send
before they can send me the password to access
so i'm thrown to read 3 stacks of operational manual
then read whatever links found in the co. intranet
stone abit here and there
cos now still honeymoon period
and then nightmare will come
chasing after me

but

i'm starting to fear that i cant cope with the work
even though its just the 2nd day
the people there are just doing work non stop
and they are so experienced!
i cant even differentiate the different cases which u all can sort with just 1 look.
so many things to learn!
and i think i need time
all things have to start from new
learn is all i can say
there is nothing that u say u dunno how to do and u can dun do it
what more to say when u are at work
so i needa learn

The people there are quite nice
but all are busy
need to get to know ppl better
but slowly la
and there's this pretty lady who wears the same perfume as u
the similar scent
when she passed by me after photocopying things

thanks for msging me goodnight last nite and a good start today
u wont know that little simple sms frm u can make me a little more happy after a long tired day...

If you don't try to go after what you want, you'll regret,
If you don't try to ask, the answer is always unrevealed .

If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place

so I go after what i wanted
so I asked
so I took a step forward

but i think i would rather stay in the same place as before.
i shouldn't...

虽然我愿意

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔
我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
请你做选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
心还想着你

-----A very nice song.

i always wanted an elder sister
i really want...
i envy ppl who has elder sister

one who can dote on me
one who at least have that little care for me
someone to talk to
share my probs, happiness, sadness
give me a hug when i'm down
comfort me in times
play with me
when i cant get into slp
sleeping in the same room
jokes and little secrets
going out together
sharing the many things
take care of me


this had been in my heart for some time

i'm not a touchy person
but i just love the feel of holding ur hand
but not many times
we get the chance holding hands
but everytime
ur hand in mine
it never fails to give me the sisterly feel
that i always were looking for
so protected
so comfortable
not anyone can give me this feeling
but u did.

Still remember,
the trip,
during the performance
backstage where lots of ppl
we needed to pass through to get to the other side of the stage
u grabbed my hand
and lead me safely to the place that we need to standby
pushing through the lots of people
still hand in hand
i'm touched
seriously.

Maybe u felt nothing but
that little act
it really warms my heart
and means something to me.

i wont tell u in person
cos i dunno how to put this across
and maybe is this
that made me care a little more about u

Today quite good mood.
Are u good mood too, Noheartgirl?
cos i played quite alot with u.
I always like to have the little argues with you.
Dun wanna to loose to you when we argue.
Always there cheng qiang-ing...
then give those faces.. Haha
Think is so much fun.
Nice nite but tiring.
U have a good nite.

3 days, 2 nites at Sentosa.

FUN and Happening!

Played Uno stacko
i always kena the draw 2..
thanks to yq la..
always her turn she take draw 2..
and she saved the stacko from collapsing
which is foul lor
should collapse during her turn le
then in the end i survived
and there goes the stacko during jh's turn
no more to pull out le
the stacko already so shaky and shld collapse before that.

then dinner at Sakae Izakaya,
along Along Siloso Beach.
the nice sea breeze and the nice sunset
played with the water and sand before dinner
take pictures on the beach.
then itchy during dinner..
Nice dinner
nice place.

and Songs of the sea.
in the queue waiting for entrance
so long and crowded
playing tian xia wu di
madness... i win on ground.
The show,
Ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah ah...
the nice laser works and the lightning and the fireworks
i really enjoyed the show plus having someone beside me.
u are the girl with the curly hair and i'm the cute puffy fish.. hahas
i dream to be the composer of the fireworks and the water splashes and the music.
i wanna dance on the sea.

Then play Taboo in the room.
That's completely madness and craziness
think the whole chalet gonna collapse with our laughters..
Taboo Taboo rules.
Sh was really crazy
keep having funny actions and keep staring at the hour glass
and press the noisy red pump thingy
to stop the people when time's up.
that was really big fun and laughters
that cant be stopped
laughed till stomach pain
and jh thanks for being so excited till elbowed me on my arm
pain pain..

then go back to own rooms,
the 4 of us
total craziness
take all kinds of funny pics
got sexy, got idiot got many la..
then wishing everyone goodnite in our chinese name
cos the other 3 all chinese name
only me got english name
so must say all chinese diao..
starting from me
jing tong slp, mz slp, ws slp, qj slp
all too high and crazy lor
then could not get into sleep,
turn on tv,
then air con too cold
but then lazy to get up to turn off
then cant slp..
morning first thing,
get up,
turn off air con!
and send ws off to work..

the sky ride and the Luge!
i think i love speeding.
the wind blowing at my face and the thrill of going down the slop at high speed!
i must be a reckless driver if i drive..
but i love the freedom riding and controlling around the curve roads.
i enjoy both the day and the nite one..
nite one more scary and challenging..

Playing Frisbee on the hot sand and the blazing sun,
running all around,
anyhow throw,
then anyhow run for a place
then the 3 of them had to do forfeit
so damn funny
then jh and me picking sticks and start fighting
as if the sticks were swords.
then broken liao become
shuang jie gun
we are crazy la.
like dat also can play lor...
i love the beaches.

Then lunch at delifrance
nice meal..
nice ice lemon tea that can be refilled..
nice dessert...

then some went for the fish flexology
and me, mz, ca went on our own to somewhere near the merlion there where there is this long stretch of colourful moasiac tiles with little fountain and splashing water
we walked till the end of the stretch in the water
the whole stretch
we also got water flexology leh
hahahas...

then walked the suspension bridge at palawan beach
waiting for u all to come
u all took so so so long to come!
we took the tramp like travel so many stops le around Sentosa
and took many pictures using mz cute 'robot' cam
jumping at the beach
splashing water
got ourselves wet
and wrote a big twisties word on the sand and still waiting for u all grand arrival
then we saw u all coming
and hide behind the bushes and trees
but being spotted by our perfect eyesight sh...
cos mz's bright pink shorts..

then together at the beach
taking lots of photos
jumping here and there
staying in the air where the camera snaps..
doing the twisties cheer together in the middle of the beach
simply crazy when all the girls get together...
lots of laughters...

Then swimming in the pool downstairs of chalet room at nite...
playing frisbee on sand in the hot day not enough,
Play in pool somemore at nite
then i become the monkey for many times...
drank pool water lor..
then got 'scolded' by the management uncle there
he said others need to Zzz but duh..
was like only 9 plus if not wrong
chalet where got so early slp
u no chalet b4 ah, uncle...
cos we got too loud with all our happy laughters
and the happily throwing and snatching of frisbee
i'm the monkey
short short monkey in the pool somemore
difficult to snatch the frisbee lor
Then song of the pool that we created after the Songs of the sea show in the swimming pool!
then play tian xia wu di in pool,
then got the bao zhuo
who wins who sits.
and i completely lost.
cant react in water man
retarded...

then wait for turn to bathe
so cold in the room had to wait outside of the room..
hungry also..

then a little surprise bday celebration at cafe del mar for our bday gal, jh
but the cake already put in the fridge where the bday gal's room was
cos no space le.
then i think she saw also la
then need to take the cake out
had to ask sue to lure her away for awhile
thanks sue
then when all ready
All on way to the cafe
while me, qj and mz went to take the cake and presents
walked behind them
joined them later
but then the ultimate was the ben ben waiter come to ask did we leave a bday cake with them?
so loud somemore..
wah laos..
obviously our bday gal heard it la...
then no surprise lor..
anyway i think is the thoughts that counts la..
celebrating with u at the strike of 12 midnite..
i nvr had this kind of celebration b4
i will be touched if this happens..
hope u love the celebration?
then play the frog game
i cant concentrate at all
person who say wrongly
has to eat 1 mouth of the last piece of cake
then i always loose track what i should say during my turn..
so i hav to eat lor..
dunno how many mouths lor
like almost half the piece of cake is in my stomach
lols

Second nite of taboo
not so happening but still lots of laughters and funny things
est: rugby become ruby
red colour diamond,
expensive,
happily describing till finally realised wrong word
then become
a sport
red colour ball
the sound like ruby also etc...
Jh: fort canning become mount faber
can take cable car etc...
also happily describing till realise wrong also
hahas..
i wanna play taboo again!!!
Taboooooooooooo...............
and the fruit game and the cartoon character game
all the games suddenly so nice to play...

went back to own rooms
tired le
but others still continuing playing
but tonite my room mates changed cos some went home
so i shared with sue and jh
then sue scared of dark
and grabbed my arm..
no scared...
mas selemat here...
jh usual sleeping position,
need the wall
slp facing the wall...
good nite gals
hahas..

last day
watched TV in the morning
jh left first
cos her bday
must celebrate with her own frens
or ur special one
check out the 2 other rooms
left 1 room
then left bags at the reception there..
everyone too lazy to move
then finally decided to walk the dragon trail
so hot inside
and our dear fren sue,
so scared of spiders!
then went to eat lunch
then had dessert
so cold the air con
so faster finish the dessert
and went outside
sat there,
everyone like half gone and sleepy
wait for tramp..
we too hot till mind also crazy..
then we speak in china accent
then we got the kao goat's leg, kao rabbit's leg, kao horse leg, kao cow leg, kao dragon leg, kao etc.. others haven mention...
all is our zodiac la
then on way home
long way
mrt crowded
no place to sit
tired, sleepy, mind blank

Home sweet home
then i bought my bubble tea
in chalet no where sell
so first thing out of train and back to island,
my bubble tea waiting for me!

BUT

3 days like not enough
when having fun,
time is always not enough
but the memories and fun we had
will never be replaced?
i want play the games, i wanna go sentosa again, i wanna go to the beaches again
i want the sea view, breeze blowing on my face, the soft sand under my feet
the luge the everything!
all so beautiful.

i had so much laughters the 3 days.
Thanks everyone...

Seriously,
recently I think i'm abit detached from u all.
Even think that even if have me there or not, it does not make a diff.
People come and people go.
Everything will still go on as usual.
The circle of frens still the same.
The same few.
i never had been impt to anyone anywhere.
W/o my existence everything will all be the same.
Dun u think so?

Confused.
Moody.
Hoping.

Where should i head to?

Dear Noheartgirl,

This post is for U.
Remember after dinner, when we were waiting for lift, i said i think you would be happier if i vanish or gone for good?
i really think you will be..
no more me to argue with u
no more me to disturb u
no more me to bother u
no more mood swing girl giving u the face now and forever
cos i know i'm just someone no place in ur heart.
cos u are the Noheartgirl.
who often dun reply to me at times.
But now i take it easy even if u dun reply
And when i said i'll be your listening ears, i'm serious
But as i said, i may not be the one who you wanna share ur probs with,
but if u need someone, i can always be here. *My promise*
Anyway, no pressure.
As long as you are happy, i'll be happy for you.

And i enjoy time spent with you. It's true.

i already stopped taking things so hard
especially with handling emotions
not giving any single bit of my heart away anymore
never to give in too much feelings to anyone

BUT

i dunno when it all started
maybe is the little things that we do together
i dunno when u start to have that little place in my heart
just like spore
a little dot on the world's map
Sadly
my heart is way too too small compared to the world's map
so that little place that u stand in my heart
is actually so much so much

i cared
i got angry
y giving urself so much trouble to care
and get angry in the end

U will not be seeing this post and u never will
i jus wanna say it out
u did make me start to care again
but i would like to get over u
cos i know...
i dun have a place in ur heart

last nite i dreamt of u,
u pretty one
u have got the charm somehow
and make me so into u for that 4 yrs
yes u...
i do not know why u appeared in my dreams
but it was not really a good dream
i think i wanna see u again tonite but a good dream

Good nite... Zzz

Not a habit
Not a daily routine

It was always so nice and warms the heart
when ending each of the day
whoever's sleeping first
text the other with only a simple good nite wish
or concluding a little of the happenings for the day
updating each other every nite
at least there is this person on mind
before going to bed

How nice can this be...
If it still...

CAKES

These are CUTE...

These are PRETTY...

And...

This is SPECIAL...

=) Love this....

Dancing in Unity 2008- Traditional Elegance, Modern Scene
15 March 2008, 8pm, Victoria Theatre

Not dancing for our own Troupe's performance though but i'm here again
The many troupes together, putting up a performance...
The so familiar place, VT.
Every 2 years i will be coming back and performing on this stage for our own troupe's performance. (I hope it will continue)
The stage, the backstage,the lightings, the many dressing rooms, the spiral staircase that we used to climb up and down when we were rushing for the next item...
The entire place, not abit of change ever since i last left.

This place, contains all our hard work, worries, happiness , teamwork, fun and fulfillments.
Every Dance and its story behind...
Draws a beautiful end on this stage here in VT.
Never failed to give me post Expressions Blues when we mark the end of every own performances.

The last Dance,
The stage lights dimmed, the audiences applauded, the curtain closes.
The photo takings after the end of the performance
The way back to the dressing room
Saying how we did for the Dance
Commenting here and there
where we danced wrong etc
while untying our hair
Removing all the makeup
Removing the costume
Changing back to our normal clothes
Carrying all our props onto the lorry
Goodbye to VT

Heading home, walking on the bridge, Fullerton and Singapore River
The way home was always the same
the night lights, the night scene and the cold wind blowing
In mind, thoughts were all about the performance just before

Well, i'll have to experience everything again on 13th Sep 2008
Leng Kee Expressions IX
I'll say Hi and GoodBye to VT again...
Soon...

i can only say that things are constantly changing...

Maybe in
1 sec
1 min
1 hr
1 day...

You will never know what's gonna happen next...

No use thinking...

If it gonna be like this, then it will be...

rest ur mind and go to slp...

3 years...

The last semester of the studies...

The darkest period...

And i hate it the most...

It was such a struggle and such down times of my poly life...

nightmares with all the assignments and the packed submission dates...

the many days without slp....

the many worries that i had with all the stupid projects...

the people who i felt so hard to handle and what more to work with...

It made me learn many things...

It trained alot on my tolerance level...
But dun ever think that i keep quiet & dun fight back, you think that i'm always the loser & keep giving me that kind of face & attitude...
i had enough of it, really...
i just did not want to create more trouble by having war...
U are U and I am I...

And our world can never meet...

So let it be...

And finally i make it to the end...

I am so so happy that it all came to an end...

A real end and a full stop to this course...

Good Bye TP...

I'll always remember....
The morning breakfast, any bread w/o butter or cheese as i never like them.
The freshly brewed coffee with 2 packs of sugar and the beautiful cup that i drink in.
The sweet potato soup that u cooked when i just commented i din drink for a long time.

Then, The 9 pink roses when i have to go


Followed by, The farewell cake

More Surprises upcoming....

Then pop out a Card and the identical Ring u wore

Then, yesterday... i met up with her again...

Now, Estee Lauder Travel Exclusive Fragrance Collection

I think i cant take it anymore. I just wanna say...
U are always too good to me...
Too good to enter my life...
My heart cant contain anymore
And i'm really touched by u...
Never had i felt this special...
U are the first to make me realise...
Thank You and loves...
U will be treasured...

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Searching for that piece of heaven
That piece which belongs to me
Completing the missing part of my life
Just for me

Life's like a jigsaw puzzle
What may become of me
No one knows
No answer nor reply
Until I found that missing piece
That piece that can fit in my life's jigsaw puzzle
I'll be welcoming you to complete my puzzle
My complete life's puzzle

A puzzle that seems to be uncompleted
Blurry at some point of times
On the verge of falling
Shine the path that i should take
Shine it
And lead me
To where i should be heading to

Some things just so happens. I was viewing a profile of my fren and i saw u and her in the pic. U in your wedding gown. You are still the ever beautiful one. Suddenly, i felt a sudden heartache. Thank you for not inviting me to ur wedding. Maybe u have long 4gotten me or maybe i has never been able to enter ur world. Anyway, u are part of the reason y i like sch then. Sec 1 and sec 4 was the most memorable. If i could turn back the time, i think i will treasure 101%. Maybe that 1% will make u invite me to ur wedding or maybe jus an sms saying that u are getting married? Haha. Anyway, saw u so blissful, i'm so happy for u. U have all my best blessings.